My Love
by iloveVA
Summary: After SK,but Dimitri wasn't turned.He leaves Rose, and her heart is in peices for a new guy to try&fix. But when the thought of Dimitri becomes too much, & he returns, will Rose take him back or end the madness and pain? Read and review:
1. An Alternate Ending

**Ok, I know some of you have read my other stories and liked them, so I'm writing another about the beloved Vampire Academy. This one is after Shadow Kissed, and Dimitri wasn't turned. But he does leave. Rose is devastated, but some one new comes. Dimitri begins to take up her every thought, and when he comes back, she has to choose whether to live her life without him, or to take him back after all the pain he caused. To find anything else out, you will need to read the upcoming chapters, and once I start to post, I will need reviews to keep me writing, so remember to review when my first chapter gets posted(:**

**-iloveVA(:**

***Alternate SK Ending***

I ran up to Dimitri, smiling ear to ear.

"I thought you were gone!" I said through my tears of relief and joy. The blonde Strigoi had attacked him, but Dimitri , my Dimitri, fought for his life, and won. The blonde Strigoi's lifeless body lay near our feet, and we had an audience full of students and teeachers whatching us, but I didn't care at this point. I hugged Dimitri, who in turn hugged me back.

"I thought I had lost you." I whispered. He pulled me away so he could look in my eyes.

"Roza, I thought I had lost you to. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have had the strength to fight him off. I would be a Strigoi if it weren't for you."

I ignored his comments, even though they were sweet. I wanted to cherish him, to always hold him, but he let me go, and then subtly geustured to our open mouthed veiwers.

"Come on. It will be dark soon, and we are to low on numbers to fight again." Stan said, saving us from any questions. I knew he knew about Dimitri and me . As well as Alberta. And for once in my life I didn't hate him.

As every one quickly walked back to the academy to face all the other greif stricken students and teachers, I turned and Kissed Dimitri, catching him by surprise.

"Don't you _ever_ scare me like that again, Belikov. I mean it."

He smiled one of his big rare smiles. "Never."

And with what I thought would be our happy ending, we hurried back to the scool as well.

I was sure as hell mistaken.

**And thats where "My love" will pick up in the next chapter:) I need reviews to kepp writing, & since this is the begging, lets shoot for three or four!(: Thanks for reading, & Stay alert for more:)**

**-Taylor(:**


	2. Sombody's Watching

**Thank every one so much, I ended up getting six reviews:) & Im glad to see that everyone likes it so far, lets me know I'm on track:) Well, here's what you've been waiting for: the next chapter(:**

**Sombody's Watching**

I was sitting in Lissa's room with her, Christian, Adrian, Mia, and Eddie when someone knocked on the door. I opened it to an almost smiling Dimitri.

"Hey Comrade," I said, kind of curiously. He usually doesn't seek me out, even when I running late for practice. And I was sure we didn't have practice today, so I wondered was he was here, happy at that. Not that I wasn't glad he was here...

"Rose, can I talk to you for a moment?" Dimitri asked me. I nodded and waved good bye to everyone. Right as I was about to ask what was wrong, he grabbed my arms gently.

"Roza. I'm not Lissa's guardian anymore!" At first I took a second to take it in. Ant then I didn't believe him. And as it finally sank in, I was speechless as well as breathless. I was worrying Dimitri a bit, I know.

"Roza? I thought you would be happy...I mean, now we can be together. Not openly, of course, but it won't be a danger to some one else. i guess if you want i could get changed ba-"

I cut him off. "No, I'm happy, but I'm just surprised! Dimitri, thats great! Who's her guardian? Other than me of course. And how did you do it! Why?" I spit out everything at once. Luckily he could always keep up.

"Oh, Rose, it was just to easy. I talked to Alberta, and how it would be easier for me to train you and all if I were another person's guardian. I knew that she knew there were other reasons, but since I was dedicated, she assigned me to Christian. And as for why, well you should know! Remember after the cabin," of course I remembered. We hadn't talked about that yet, and I knew it was coming," when I told you that i would find a way for us to be together? Well I found it."

I was almost crying. Almost. he did this for me, but i should have know that. I thought things were coming into place now, that I would graduate and everything would be fine, as long as they gave me to Lissa. Man, if only I knew what was to come. but for now, this was what mattered.

"Oh Dimitri," I said, throwing myself at him,"Thank you so much! Things will be better now, I know it. We don't have to feel guilty anymore. Not that that stopped us from anything, but all we have to watch out for is people finding out until graduation, and then things will be great!"

Dimitri hugged me back, and then in a more serious tone added, "Yes, we will have to be careful. And all this hugging, even though i enjoy it, and kissing iin public isn't going to help us keep our love a secret. Rumors spread. And the cabin...it can't happen again. Not for a while."

At first i focused on the begginging of the sentence, but when I got to the end, I was dissapointed. That was the best night of my life. no way am I letting it stop at that.

"What? Why? If we could just be sneaky about it...no one will find out! I haven't even told Lissa about my feelings for you! No way am I settling for this."

I crossed my arms and got in my best aggravated position. It was one he knew very well.

"Roza, I can't risk anyone finding out. Your life will be ruined. If it gets around, we would get in alot of trouble. I just can't let that happen to you. Not now, not ever."

I sighed. I normally didn't give up this easily, but I was getting a pretty good deal. In a while, it wouldn't matter. We could do what we wanted, and no one could do anything about it.

I huffed. "Fine. But I will have you right after graduation. Maybe sooner, it depends who's looking..." I said teasingly.

Dimitri just smiled. Then after thinking, he asked, "Do you need to get back to your friends?"

I thought for a moment and then decided that i didn't want to have to lie about why Dimitri needed me. So I told Dimitri we would just go work out that way it didn't look like I was hiding anything. he agreed that that was the smart thing to do and walked me to my room to change. He was already suited for working out in some gym shorts and a tee shirt.

'Ouch. I haven't seen that one before." I said as I got up from a blow to the stomach from Dimitri.

"Yes you have. I just came at you from a different angle."

I sighed. i should have know but I wasn't really in the mood for learning right now. i was more excited about getting to have Dimitri.

"Don't give me that look. You did great. We can go now if you want."

I smiled at him. He had gotten used to praising my work, and so had I, but I still loved when he said something good about me.

I started to walk by him, so he turned to walk out of the gym. But I swiftly decided to tackle him, much like I did when we first started fighting. Yeah, I knew more now, but he knew me well enough that he could practically see it coming and knew my every move. So smiling, he turned around fast, but not fast enough. I had gotten faster, and he knew it, so he tried a different block. I went around it, and ended up pinning him to the ground.

"Ah, so the student takes the teacher down. Good job, Rose." Dimitri told me.

I smiled at him, and raised my eyebrows. "What do I get for pinning you down?"

He opened his mouth to tell me that I get the satisfaction of it, I know, but then looked down at our positions. Yeah, personal space was non- existent, and my face was close to his as well. He looked back at me, and I knew the cutting up was about to end, and I would have to get off. I was going to take advantage of this situation, so I broke the space between us swiftly, before he could push me away.

I always savored our kisses, and I would never take advantage of them; they were to few and far between. And after a moment, Dimitri kissed me back. it was sweet, and slow, which completely satisfied me. Right when we both leaned up and I began to put my fingers in his hair, Dimitri broke away.

"Not here, someone could see-"

Dimitri's face went blank, his body stiff. He abruptly let me go, but then caught me since i had been depending on him for balance. I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong, and tell him he was scaring the hell out of me, but I followed his eyes to behind me. And then I think my jaw hit the floor.

"How much did you see?" I asked.

**Ha, nice cliff:) Lets go for about five more reviews:) I really apreciate them & suggestions:) If i dont get a reasonable amount of reviews, I won't continue to update, because I won't know what my readers think about my story, therefor I won't have any insperation. So that being said, review:) & keep checking for updates!  
-Taylor3**


	3. Finally Happy? I Didn't Think So

**Ha, yes I know leaving off there was mean, thats why I did it:) Thanks for the reviews, once again I got six more:) So heres the next chapter. Things get a little sad here...:'(**

**Finally Happy? I didn't think So.**

"Enough." Christian said. My heart stopped, and my stomach fell. I glanced at the three standing at the door. Christian, looking beyond pissed. Adrian, looking smug, but sad. And then Eddie, whos mouth was open in an expression crossed between confusion and surprise. I felt like a total ass.

"But...Why Rose? Why didn't you tell us? Or at least Lissa? She would have understood. We would have to." Eddie said, sounding upset that I would keep something like this from all of them.

"I..I didn't want you guys to know...It just. It just happened. I love him. He loves me. And I mean, you guys might have misunderstood, or thought badly of me...or you know, things get around here, and it could have just slipped out!"

"So now you don't trust us!" Christian practically shouted. I almost flinched. Almost.

"Of course i trusted you! I ju-"

"How long has this been going on?" he cut me off.

"Since...Since when Victor took Lissa. We had feelings before that, but we didn't say anything."

"Then you clearly don't trust us. If you think we would say something to anyone, if you think we are that kind of friends, well then we just may be." Christian said, and Eddie slitted his eyes, although I didn't think he agreed. He had less of a temper than Christian, and wouldn't do that, even if he was mad.

"You wouldn't." I said, in almost a whisper. Everything Dimitri and I had worked to keep hidden, was all exposed. If Christain ran his mouth, then we were screwed.

"I don't know Rose, would I? Lissa would be mighty upset."

I slitted my eyes at him. I was pissed now, and I was getting off the defensive side.

"You wouldn't tell anyone. Because it will upset Lissa, and no matter how mad you are at me, your not that cold hearted. She would be upset at me, and she needs me, so things would go bad. You don't want that."

Christian closed his eyes for a moment then re-opened them with a puff. "Fine. But don't think things are all good with us. I can't believe you wouldn't tell us, and more importantly Lissa, about this. We could have helped, somehow, but you chose to be selfish and keep it to yourself."

He turned to leave, and Eddie followed. Adrian dragged back.

"I'm sorry Rose. He won't say anything. Oh, by the way, Lissa wanted to know if you could eat dinner with her and some snobby royal. I'll tell her you can't make it."

"Yeah...thanks." was all i could say.

Was I really being selfish when I didn't tell my best friends about my secret love? Was it because I didn't trust them? Of course not, that hadn't been my reasons..but it sure looked like it was. I understood him being mad at me, but I just really wished they weren't. I felt horrible about this whole secret thing, and my best friend hadn't even figured out yet. Man, I have alot of explaining to do. I hoped that Lissa would understand my reasons for not telling her, and I hoped everyone else would forgive me. And Dimitri for that matter.

Then I realized Dimitri hadn't said a word this whole time.

I turned and looked at him.

"They won't say anything. They were going to have to find out sometime." I told him.

Dimitri looked up. He didn't have his guardian mask on. He had on the face of a man who had let his girlfriend down. And I didn't know why.

"Roza. If they can just find out that easy, imagine who else can. And now you've lost friends. Because of me. I can't let that happen."

i was confused. It wasn't the end of the world. And I told him so.

"Oh Roza. It isn't I agree. But I don't want things to get bad for you. Lissa may turn away from you when you tell her. And it would all be because of me. I don't think I could deal with myself if the wrong person figured out, and you couldn't graduate."

I thought he was over reacting, but that was Dimitri.

"Dimitri, I will be fine. And so will you. So walk me back to my room so We can both get some sleep. It could have been some one else, some one who would tell. But it wasn't. We'll just have to be more careful next time. And don't blame yourself, it was my fault."

Dimitri got up, and mumbled something that sounded like 'next time...' but it was too low for me to hear.

"We walked to my room in silence. I thought it was because he was mad at me, so for once I didn't push it. I just tried to enjoy the cold winter breeze. Every now and then someone would pass, but no one looked accusingly at us.I knew they wouldn't, or at least not about what Dimitri was stressing over.

"Mind if I come in?" Dimitri asked me when we reached my room. I smiled at him, hoping this was what I though it was.

"Of course..."

The second he was in, He closed the door, and he kissed me. I mean really kissed me. I was lightheaded by the time I realized that I should kiss back. And when the kiss ended, I was dying for more.

"I'm sorry. i didn't mean to.." Dimitri started but I looked at him like he was crazy.

"Are you kidding. You're welcome to do that anytime."

He still looked sad. Distant. And it gave me a horrible feeling in my stomach. I frowned at him, and he started towards the door.

"I love you, Roza. Always. "

And with that he left.

I tried to sleep. But something kept telling me to find Dimitri, to never let him go, because I may not have him always.

What upset me most was the look on his face. The sad, lonely look, and his sudden kiss and epic I love you. I should enjoy those, but I just couldn't. The gut wrenching feeling was just too much. So I lay in bed until two in the morning, when exhaustion finally over come me.

I got up in the morning, the horrible feeling still in me, but not as aparent. So I hoped into my gym clothes and headed off to the gym for my morning training with Dimitri.

When I walked in, he had on jeans and a black tee with his duster. i gave him a look and started to put on my running shoes when he said

"You won't be needing those." I smiled and asked why.

"Because I'm leaving."

**Ouch:) Well, sad as it is, I need you to review on it. It wasn't very good, but i didn't have any good material for this chapter. Things will get better, I Promise. So lets go for six more reviews:) Thanks you guys...**

**-Taylor(:**


	4. Alone with a Broken Heart

**I only got four reviews this time, a little less than what I was hoping. But since I got more than what I was hoping the last couple chapters, I guess I'll update tonight(: I may cry writing this, lol.**

**Alone with a Broken Heart.**

I couldn't really comprehend what he meant by that.

"What?" I asked, with a confused smile on my face, my eyebrows raised.

"I'm leaving." he repeated. My smile faded. I blinked many times to make sure I was awake. I even recalled waking up this morning to be sure. Once I knew i was fully awake, I decided my hearing was messed up or he was kidding.

"Yeah, and I'm ready for practice. I have class in a couple hours." I tried kidding, but he just looked down and shook his head.

"I'm serious, Rose." He said after several moments of looking down. "It's what's best- for both of us."

My legs felt unsure, and I was afraid to speak because I knew my voice would crack. his face shown no apology, no sign of regret. It was breaking my heart, and maybe my mental state as well.

"But...I love you." I said, my voice cracking on the you. I didn't really care though.

"It will pass. If I leave now, before it gets to serious, then one day you will think of me as another guy, and I will think of you as a mistake that was worth making."

I could believe my ears. He had basically just told me that I didn't really love him and that I was a mistake in the coldest voice he could manage. Questions flooded my mind. Did he really love me? How could I be a mistake? Will I be able to live once he leaves? And why me? Why does this have to be me?

'What? You think I will just get over you in a few months? 'Oh, I remember back when I used to love this one guy who taught me everything I know, who got me through the hell my life was in, who changed my life, and who I lost my virginity to, and then he left me days after. Those were the days.'. Dimitri, you know me better than that! I love you! This wasn't some high school fling for me! but it was for you. You think I was a mistake. You wanted to hurt me! How could you do this to me!" I suddenly screamed, getting on the offensive side. My words didn't faze Dimitri. He just looked sad now. About leaving or about me telling him he did this on purpose, I don't know.

"Rose...Yesterday, we got caught. Anyone could just find out. I'm sure some may have it figured out. I can't put you in danger. I can't be a distraction in your life, your to young to want to be this committed to one man. You need to find someone your own age. As well as me. You don't love me, Rose. You just think you do. Seventeen is to young to know what love is about. And I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to protect you."

I stood there looking at him. How could he be saying this? He was crushing my heart into many pieces to ever put back together. I couldn't believe my ears. He didn't think I loved him? He thought that I couldn't understand love? Who cared if anyone figured out. I didn't at this point. I was to young for him to sleep with me. I wasn't to young for him to love me. Or wait, did he love me? This was too much to handle, and my legs almost gave out, just like my heart.

"Dimitri. I don't care if we get broadcasted over national telivison! I. Love. You. I'm not in danger when i'm with you! Thats when I'm safest! And I'm doing fine with you here, your not a distraction. I wasn't to young when I let you sleep with me, or when you loved me. Or do you even love me, Dimitri? Or was I just some game for you? I know that I love you, I know that I can't live without you. You are hurting me, whether your trying to or not, and I believe you are. And I just don't think I can go on without you...I just love you..and I...I..just..."

And I broke down. My legs gave out. The tears that had been threatening me early let out. I couldn't even see Dimitri when He came to kneel beside me. He tried to grab my arm, but i wouldn't let him. I wanted him to know how hurt I was. I wanted him to hurt to. Worse than me, if that was possible. But when my tears eased up after almost five minutes, his face was set in stone, and his brown eyes that I loved so much were colder than his voice was.

"Stop crying. You'll get over me."

And I started crying more than before. It soon was bad enough I was coughing, grasping for air. I don't think I had ever cried this hard in my life. Not when I was little and Got in trouble or hurt. Not when Lissa and I ran away. Not when Mason died. Only Dimitri could have done this to me. And I hated myself for it, for loving him. But I could never stop. I needed him like I needed air to breathe, food to eat, and water to live. I didn't think I would ever stop crying, but i was soon out of tears, and my gasping for air turned into hiccups. And When glanced at Dimitri for the second time, he had risen, and his face was twisted with pain, and anger. And it pissed me off.

I stood up, and he set his face in stone again. I almost fell over again, but I had to stay strong now. I knew he was hurt, and I was going to use it against him. I could cry later.

_'Alright rose. Left foot, Right foot. Breathe in, out. Left foot, Right foot, in, out.'_

I had taken about three breathes and five steps when he caught hold of my arm, and then placed a soft kiss on my lips. I looked at him with such a look of hate, he stepped back.

"Roza..."

"Do not call me that Dimitri Belikov. If you don't want me or my love, then quit dragging me on. I love you, and now you've practically ruined my life by leaving it. I really hope you enjoyed having me for a play toy and whatching me love the ride. Have a nice fucking life, Dimitri."

I turned before he could see the newly forming tears that had somehow even though I had next to no hydration left in me. I wanted to rip his heart out. I don't think I did a good job of it, but he has to be hurt a little. Good then. He can go to hell.

What was I kidding. I would follow him to the deepest pit in that burning place for the damned. I loved him, and my heart would forever belong to Dimitri Belikov. And as I walked out of the gym, I looked back. And I regretted it because he was crying. Not like I was, but there were definitely tears. And I couldn't decide whether to be happy or upset.

He looked up, and whispered a barely audible "I love you Roza."

I don't even think I was supposed to hear, but I did. So I ran away before I went back and ran to him and begged him to stay. I ran right past lissa, who looked surprised and upset by the state she saw me in. I wondered briefly why she was up and if i should tell her everything, but I decided later I would. Right now I think I needed to throw up, take a shower, and go to bed with some ice cream and cry until I could talk to someone.

When I was finnaly in my room, safe from anyone seeing or hearing, and before I could stop myself I reached for the sissors on my desk. Dimitri's last words echoed in my head, making me wonder if he meant it or if it was a lie.

_'I love you Roza'_

And that was when I let the depression and darkness from spirit joined with the broken mess Dimitri had left me in. Before I knew it, my wrists were slit and covered in blood and I was leaning over the trash can. I hated myself for doing it, I really did, but Icouldn't help it. Tomorrow, after i calmed down enough, I would tell Lissa. She would understand, and if nothing else, she would give me something else to worry about.

Dimitri had changed my life in many ways, and this was just one of them. The worst one, at that.

**Sorry guys, it had to be done:( I couldn't find a good way to end it, but** **the way I did end it showed you just how hurt Rose was. So I need about five more reviews, and I'll update:) Tell me how you like it, or don't like it, but don't be harsh. Thanks:)**

**-Taylor(:**


	5. Pain, and then Some

**Wow, thanks you guys, i got elleven more reviews:) Well, yeah, Dimitri left, But I'm a fan of happy endings, so just wait:) Well, Enjoy this chapter. :)**

**Pain, and then Some.**

His hand held my leg, pulling me closer to his body. I never loved some one like this. I never would again. As I was thinking about how life couldn't get better, he was placing trails of kisses up my neck to my ear. He stopped to whisper what I thought would be something like 'I love you', but instead he said the words that turned this fantasy into a night mare.

"I'm leaving."

I sat up in bed immediately, and I was already crying. When I fully realized what just happened, I jumped out of my bed and kicked the wall, and when it caused papers and pencils to fly off the desk, I could help but scream ,"Damn it!". I probably woke my whole hall up, but I couldn't care less.

I trudged into a bathroom to brush my teeth- I could barely stand my mornign breath. I glanced in the mirror, I didn't know the girl looking back at me. She had dark circles under her eyes, which were bloodshot. Her skin was pale, even for a 'creature of the night', and her lips had turned an ugly purple that clashed with her white skin horribly. Her nose was pink, probably from all of the snot crying. She had only a tank top with some short boy boxer shorts on, but she was burning up on the inside, and freezing on the outside. Or trembling, I don't know if she was cold. Or did I? Was that horrible looking girl who's hair looked a mess falling out of its pony tail really me? No, it couldn't be. But it was. I sighed at the scary image of myself, and started brushing my teeth. I felt like hell - I deserved to look like it.

After re-pulling up my annoying hair, I drug myself to my bedroom again. I sat on the edge of my bed, debating whether to call Lissa over now, or to eat something, mope for a while, and then call her. Although it probably wasn't the best choice, I decided to eat, mope and wait.

"You're just screwing up more relationships, Rose. Not telling her probably ruined you friendship." , I told myself in a voice so weak and trembling I couldn't recognize it as being mine.

I figured that it would be best not to leave the room to get some food and flaunt myself infront of the whole student body, for many obvious reason, but the main being I just didn't want to talk or see anyone, so against my better judgement I called the one person who knew, understood, and wasn't pissed at me. Adrian.

"Rose?"

"Yeah. It's me. Can you get me some food?" I didn't want to talk more than necessary. I sounded bad.

"Oh my god. You don't sound good. Are you ok? Do I need to get you anything?"

He sounded truly concerned, and truly sory. I knew he was trying to help, but I just had to snap," Yes, I just told you, I need some food. And no shit? I thought I sounded like an angel. Will you just please, _please,_ bring me some sausage and all?

"Oh, yeah, sure. Oh, you know that your up three hours before class starts? Just saying. I'm on my way."

And before I could snap anything at him he hung up.

I sighed and walked back to my bed, but then when I looked at my wrists, i rushed to put on a black long sleeve shirt over my tank top. Then, returning to my bed, I leaned against the bed post, and stared at the wall, lost in thoughts I should ignore.

The dream. What the hell? It was like giving me a taste of Paradise and snatching it away. Just like Dimitri...no, just like he did. I though about it,and then realized that my subconscious mind decided to replay the horrible scene. I don't know why it liked to do that. Maybe it enjoyed torturing me even more, maybe pushing me over the line to insanity. i was sure headed that way. I didn't even know why i was thinking about this. I decided earlier that i was going to not think about it and pretend I'm being depressed for nothing. maybe then i will forget, and just bee a loon. it would be better than this hole in my heart that was bleeding and throbbing and hurting.

Wait, what was I kidding? I wasn't gettin over this. i wasn't getting over him. This damn hole wasn't going to get better, or filled, or stitched up.I would always being thinking of him. It may get me killed, but that would be ok, seeing as I don't have much to live for. I just...

I just needed to shut the freak up before I started breakin down, becase Adrain was standing in my room some how.

"How did you get in?" I asked.

"Little Dhampir, You had your door unlocked. I though I would take my chances of getting chewed out rather than having the door shut in my face and sent away."

he had a good point, thats exactly what i would have done.

"I brought your food...?" He have asked me.

"Fine. You can stay." I told him, taking the breakfast plate he had brought me.

"I figured that would sway you. So tell me, how are you doing?"

How was i doing? Did he really just ask me that? For some reason, I set down my plate and started laughing hysterically. He looked worried, like maybe he had said something that set me off, but after about ten seconds of me laughing, I started crying. I didn't think a person could cry this much, but it was possible. I proved it.

Adrian walked over to me, and led me to the bed, Layed down, pulling me next to him, in a friendly way, a way that a brother would to his sister. I knew it hurt him seeing me like this, but I was being selfish, and wasn't concerned about that. When He had my head laying on his chest, his shirt being soaked by my tears, he started whispering things like its okay, let it out, the usual break up stuff.

And I told him. i told him everything, from day one, then the cabin, and then the break up. And he didn't leave, which was good. but he already knew most of it, which wasn't very promising for what Lissa's reaction might be.

"And it's just so ha-ar-d" I sputtered out after spilling to him ever thing- even the cutting and throwing up, that part he cringed at.

After much comforting on his part, I knew that he truly loved me, and was sorry. And as much as I would have liked to turn this nasty scene to a 'Oh I love that your my friend' one, I knew i needed to tell Lissa. Adrian had stayed most of the day, fetching me things as needed, and at last he stood and said

"Rose, Call me if you ever need me, but you do need to talk to someone. I think you should tel her what you told me. Lissa can help even more than I can. I'll send her up."  
Adrian left before I could protest, and there was no running now. So this was it.

I had to tell Lissa.

**Boring chapter, I know. Sorry, but you will not believe the things I have had to do lately. The life of school...sadly I won't be able to update every night, but maybe every two to five. So lets shoot for six more reviews, please:) the next few chapters will get interesting, don't worry. But I had nothing to put in this one...sooo. Anyways, I'll update ASAP:)**

**Taylor(:**


	6. What now?

**The last chap sucked, but thanks to those who reviewed:) I have some free time, so imma update now:) yay, right? haha. enjoy:)**

**What now?**

"Can I come in? Adrian said you were pretty upset." Lissa said softly from the other side of my door. I sighed.

"Yeah. Come on in." My voice didn't break this least I could sound a little strong for Lissa.

She shuffled in, closing the door quickly behind her. It was daytime for Moroi, right after classes, so she switched off my light and turned my lamp on so the light wouldn't really hurt her eyes but it wouldn't be completely dark.

"Oh gosh, you look terrible Rose. What...what happened?" Lissa asked, already knowing bad news was on the way.

"Liss..you're going to hate me..." I whispered, trying to prepare her as well as myself for the worst.

"Nothing could make me hate you Rose. But I do want to know whats wrong, you're really worrying me." She said, and I could feel her concern, worry, and stress, and most of all wonder at what could be the matter.

"Dimitri left." I simply told her as if she knew everything. She looked confused.

"I'm sorry Rose, i know ya'l were good friends, but thats no reason to be doing this to yourself."

I sighed, wishing I didn't have to tell her just yet. I wish she could read it out of my mind like I could read her.

"He was more that my friend."

She stood there a moment, and understanding rushed through her. And then I felt a bit of self sympathy and anger come for her. It pissed me off, but I expected it to be this way.

"What do you mean?" she asked, a bit shaken up.

"Liss...I just...I loved him. I still do, even though he did this to me. I thought he loved me too..."

"How could you not tell me? How long did this go on?" She asked me, already mad and worked up.

"Lissa, I'm sorry for saying this, but shut the hell up. I just lost the man I loved...The man I tried not to love for you...The man I lost my virginity to. The one person who I will ever feel this way about, and all you care about is yourself. There are many reasons I didnt tell you. mainly because we could be together because of you..i didn't want you to feel bad..or because i wanted it to be between me and Dimitri.I don't know exactly why, but It doesn't matter if your going to get pissed. Just leave if your only going to worry about yourself. I can't take that too."

I felt really really bad for telling lissa that, but I just had to. What else was I supposed to say? I'm sorry, don't you hate me too... Or beg? no. I was through with that. I loved Lissa alsmost as much as Dimitri, and I hated to see the hurt and tears on her face right now, but I had jumped of the deep end.

"Rose..How could..I'm so-...I don't know what to say. Whether to be mad, or sorry for you. I want to be both..but this isn't about me. I'm...sorry. Do you want to talk? I'll get to myself later...I just..."

I understood, even though what she said barely made sense.I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Liss, I owe it to you to tell you everything. Then I'm gonna cry my heart out again, probably, but I don't want to anymore. After this, I don't want to mope anymore. Life goes on, whether I like it or not, and he's gone..and I won't see him again. Ever. I just don't know what to do..."

"Rose...Its ok..."

And that was my cue to start talking. "When he first came here, of course I worshiped him. He got on my nerves alot, and was really bossy, but I think i had a crush on him. And eventually he had one on me too. He just didn't fully realize it I guess, but when you were taken by Victor, he put a lust charm on us too keep us...busy while he tortured you. And we almost had sex Lissa, but he figured out what happened, and we snapped out of it and found you. i asked him what was up and he said it was just the necklace that had the charm on it, but when I asked Victor why I still loved him, he said that the only way the charm would work would be because we both had feelings for each other. When I told Dimitri that, he admitted it. but he said we couldn't be together because if danger came, he would want to protect me instead of you. But we still loved each other, and I once told him he was afraid.I told him that I could see right though him. That I knew him better than he did. And he admitted that too. he told me that He was so vulnerable with me...he was afraid of me..of us. Thats when I knew that there would never be another. And so we had stolen kisses and moments every now and then until just a few nights ago when Jesse was beating the hell out of you with magic...and I went crazy...Dimitri was told to take me away and calm me down. he took me to this cabin, and once I was calm...well I slept with him. "I paused to see her mouth drop with a few tears," It was the best thing that had ever happened to me. And then the attack happened, and he said he had found a way for us to be together after we graduate...but then Christian, Eddie, and Adrian walked in on us kissing, and all hell broke loose. Adrian had known when I met him, but Christian got pissed. And Dimitri decided he was a distraction...and left. Just said that we would get over each other, and left. what am I supposed to do! Damn it Lissa!"

I flopped back on the bed, fighting tears again. I had to stop crying, it was stupid. I knew this was bad, but I had to quit feeling sorry for myself.

"Rose..." Was all lissa said. She sat there sending spirit to me, helping me feel better in the best way she could. She healed my wwrists with a look of dismay, but she didn't get on to me. She just tried, and i loved her for not being mad and leaving me alone.

"So what do I do now?" I asked her at last, after she had gotten still and stopped with the magic.

"Well, Just go on the best you can Rose...I wish I could tell you how to get over this..but I just don't know...But i will always be here for you, and i lopve you Rose."

I smiled and told her that loved her too, and thought we needed some sleep. She offered to stay over but I turned her down, tell her that it was ok. Reluctantly she left, and I just felt hurt, torn and tired. i was pretty much in bed when I heard someone knock on my door.

"What do you want?" i asked loudly and rudely, thinking it was Adrain. But instead Alberta's voice answered.

"Rose, I know it probably isn't the best of times, but I need to see you."

I sighed, and opened the door. She looked me up and down and looked like she wanted to gasp at my horrible apperance, but instead just said

"Come with me."

Oh hell.


	7. Life goes On?

**Well, thank you guys sooo much for reviewing:) Well, I hope you guys love me, cause I had this WHOLE Chapter written, and it deleted right before I saved it. Wonderful, right? but I just re-wrote it. So I want EXTRA Reviews for this chapter. lol,well, enjoy this encounter between Rose and...:)**

**I Guess life goes On...**

After I put on decent clothes and brushed out my hair and teeth again, I finally let Alberta leave my room in a huff, with me trudging behind her. i had made the argument that I didn't want everyone in the school seeing me like that, and she said whatever got me to leave faster.

"So what did I do this time?" I asked with a sigh, all though I thought I had been pretty good lately.

"Nothing...That I know of. I just have some one you really need to talk to."

My heart sank, even more that it already had, and I could swear I stopped breathing and walking, but if I did Alberta didn't notice. There was a really, _really_, good chance Dimitri was in her office, an dI didn't know if I could take that just yet.

"O-ohh.." was all I could stutter out. Alberta just gave a curt nod.

Well, Hell. What if it is Dimitri in there? What if he chews me out even more, and just decided to kill me emotionally even more...and..and..or...I just couldn't function when i thought that way. But...What if...what if it was Dimitri in there, and he wanted me back. He begged me to forgive him...or he said that he truly loved me...or he was coming back and staying all for me. I gave me a sick feeling in my stomach like i felt when a strigoi was near, and I knew I couldn't get my hopes up. It may be my long lost father in there. Or it could be Adrian complaining that I need counseling again, or some crap like that. I chose to make my self not get my hopes up.

What was I kidding? I was shaking all over, just at the thought of the possibility of Dimitri in that room. Whether it was to take me back or to hurt me even more, I would get to see him again. But I thought for a moment. No matter what he was in there for, I knew it would tear me up. Would I, could I take him back if thats what he was here for? Would I be able to forgive him for hurting me so much? Of curse, but I would make him suffer first. I would...

Shut up Rose...Your already planning on what you will do when Dimitri asks for you back, which you know won't happen even if he is in there. So just shut up.

So I focused on putting on foot in front of the other for about a minute, and we where finally there. Alberta opened the first door, and walked in. I followed her in, ignoring the mini heart attack Iwas having. Then , the second door that led right into her office started to open, and subconsciously I closed my eyes and held my breathe. _Oh God, please, let it be him.._

"Rose? What on earth are you doing?" Alberta hissed at me. I opened my eyes and didn't look at anything but her, and when I started to reply i realized that I had been holding my breathe, too.

"Oh, just..." and I looked to the side when I said it, and once again, my stomach turned, and my heart fell.

There, sitting in one of the few leather chairs in the room, was...

Not Dimitri. I mentally kicked myself for letting me get so excited about something that wasn't truly a possibility.

"Who the hell is he?" I asked, rudely. I guess my displeasure was gonna show whether i wanted it to or not. I didn't really care.

"Rosemarie! You won't talk like that, especially to the new student. He, Seth Cardian, is a new novice here, and he is an excellent guardian in training. Not as good as you, for he hasn't killed God knows how many strigoi, but he has good potential, definitely the second best this school has seen. And you are going to behave." Alberta snapped at me. Well, she was selling e for some reason. She never really told other people, students in particular, how good I was. But, I was too pissed off to really worry about it.

"Ok, Hey. I'm Rose. now why was i dragged down here?" i said half to Seth, half to Alberta.

"You were brought her because since your mentor has...left...I want you two to train together. You can help him ste up a little, and it will keep you in tone. Graduation will be here before you guys know it, and you need to have the best practice you can get."

My mind entered a black hole. I forgot I still had to train. I just figured since my world had crashed that the real world would just stop for me. But i still had classes, even though I didn't think i ever wanted to step foot in the gym without Dimitri again.

"What?" I asked, in a daze now. A pissed-off daze at that.

"You heard me. You make him feel welcome to. Now you can lead him back to the Novice dorms, and just practice after class every day, you know how to run things, I hope."

And with that, I was forced out in with Seth, and I didn't like it at all. I didn't want to tell this kid anything Dimitri had taught me, and I didn't really plan on it.

I decided I needed to look at the boy to recognize him the next time I saw him. He had a cute blonde head of shaggy hair that was out of his eyes but over his ears. He was taller than me, by about three or four inches. He had killer blueish-Grey eyes, that went well with his diamond face ant nice thick lips. His clothes told me that in a normal high school, he would definately be Mr. It, and he knew it. he kind of reminded me of Ashton Kutcher.If Dimitri hadn't killed every bit of whatever it is in girls that make them think guys are sexy, and make them flirt and have a good relationship in me, then I would have definitely been all over Seth. but, because of..._him..._Dimitri, I didn't really noticed how cute Seth was, or that he was checking me out.

"Hey, Rose, so, do you want to show me where to go?" He asked politely, in a voice without accent. I was glad of that, for obvious reasons.

"Oh, yeah, sure. Sorry. " I said, and the whole walk back to the dorms, I made te air around us miserable, and no conversation was held.

"Go to the front dest, and the matron will tell you what room your in and how to get there. I'm sorry, but I'm really tired, and Need some sleep. So, night."

Before he could answer me, I was storming off to my room, in a cloud of anger and depression.

**Ok guys, I know that this has ALOT of errors in it, but be glad you got it. My computer is gay and delted this story 2 times before its actualy saved it. If i hadn't of loved you guys, I would have just beed like, 'well screw it for a few weeks.' but, since I tried to get a reasonably good chapter for y'all, I think I need a god bit of reviews:) so, were you dissapointed? yeah, me too, lol, but remmber the summary, Dimitri does come back, it will just be a little while:) so, thanks, with much love:)  
-Taylor3**


	8. Am I Crazy? Probably

**Well, glad you guys liked the last chapter:) I notice that alot of people want Rose to end up with Seth, but you guys don't know everything about him yet..So hmm:) Just for fun, lets have something like a poll...review and tell me whether you want a Rose and Dimitri ending, or a Rose and Seth ending:) It's possible that the winner gets what they want, but we'll just see:)**

**Am I crazy? Probably.**

I dragged myself outta bed when my alarm started screaming at me. Sure, I was already awake, but that didn't save the poor clock that was now on the floor across the room, broken. I sighed, yawned, and then cleaned up my mess. I had slept about an hour and a half last night, and I felt like crap. Yeah, today way going to be a _great _day.

I really didn't look forward to training today with Seth. That wasn't an experience I wanted to share with any one else... It was mine Dimitri's.. I wasn't ready to go back.. relive any moments that was supposed to be between Dimitri and me.. share them with.. with Seth. _This is different, Rose. You don't love Seth, he's just another kid you have to deal with until graduation. Just get through it and don't make any extra effort in this training, it's just fighting...just fighting.._

I repeated that to myself over and over, until I convinced myself to leave my room.

So I went to all of my classes, like I normally would. Except I wasn't a smart ass. I barely talked. And instead of people talking to me, they pointed and stared, and whispered. I wondered if it was really that obvious that I was...different. I guess so, I barely had make up on, and I still had dark, bloodshot eyes, and I had completely withdrawn from my social life, but still, people could get out of my business. And lunch..lunch was awful. I didn't sit with everyone, I walked out side to sit by myself, and Lissa got up from her table with her friends and boyfriend to sit with me, and I hated that she had to do that.

"Why are you out here by yourself?" she asked me.

"I don't feel like answering questions, or talking, or dealing with Seth." I said a little to cold.

"Seth? Is that the hot new kid?"

"Well, he's the new kid alright. He's my responsibility. I have to make him feel welcome, and train with him...and I don't think I can handle it." I replied.

"Of course you can..It's nothing like Dimitri." and before I could argue, she walked off, knowing I needed to be alone.

Instead of eating, I tore up my food and threw it all over the place for the birds to find it during the day. And right when i was about to get ready to leave, Seth walked right on up, and told me when had our next class together, which he seemed totally happy about.

I wasn't, that was obvious.

"Hey..Rose?" he whispered while we were supposed to be reading anything silently. Today was one of those days when teachers got lazy and didn't plan work so we had to shut up and read while they did whatever they wanted.

I glared at Seth. He took that as an answer and smiled.

"Practice right after school, right?"

I nodded, and he laid back, smiling, and he went to sleep. I thought he had a good idea for once, and I drifted off to.

Too soon, the school day had ended. Normally I would have been happy. But not today. I trudged into the gym, changed, and ten minutes later Seth walked in and was hoping around, pretend to punch somebody.

"You're late." I told him coldly. He just gave me a look that said "Come on, let me off the hook." I rolled my eyes and told him we we're going outside to run, and he suddenly got quiet and followed me out.

I was glad to know that he was out of shape, some at least. I was able to run at a steady pace, and still feel great, while after tree laps around the track he had to slow to barely a jog. I felt pretty smug. He sure was the school's second best, alright. Once I looped him, I stopped and made him stop.

"This is going to build stamina. So go ahead and get used to it, cause this is all we will be doing for a while. Now this time, I'll run with you, but when I pick up the pace you have to catch up. Got it?" I threw in a big scene of putting my hands on my hips.

"Got it..." he said a little breathlessly.

I was having alot of fun picking up the pace, and watching him struggle to keep up. I almost even smiled, but I told myself no, that will let him think I'm playing. And clearly, I wasn't.

In my mind, I wasn't running with Seth, though. I was running with Dimitri. And it was just like any other day, just with him, training, preparing for the real world. And Dimitri always ran fast. So in my mind, I felt i had to also. In fact, my mind had fooled me so badly, that when I heard Seth say "Rose!" loudly, that I could have sworn it was Dimitri. but no, It was Seth, because when I opened my eyes, I realized that I was running way to fast, and then before I could stop, I ran right into a poll, head first, and since I was weak from not eating, it knocked me down.

"Rose? Rose? Are you alright?" Some one said, panting.

"Dmri?" I tried to say Dimitri, but my mouth didn't want to open.

"Rose, this is Seth, please don't faint cause I'm way to tired to carry you to the clinic.." And the rest of his words were lost. I got up, a little to quickly and started walking off.

"Rose? Is practice over?' seth asked me, a little worried. I turned around, sighed, and bluntly said,

"Yes. Don't be late tomorrow."

And once I was up in my room, all by myself, I considered the fact that I might be crazy, seriously out of it. Did I really just ignore all of my guardian instincts, lessons, and practices to get lost in a fantasy? Did I just imagine somebody else was Dimitri, just so I could feel better? I think I did. And that was absoultely stupid.

One day, out in the real world, that could kill me.

**Ok, so i'm back. I'm not going to tell you why I haven't updated in more that a month, but lets just say things have been hectic. So, sorry for making you guys wait, I truly am, and I'm also sorry for my first update in forever to be so crappy, but I have to start the madness some how:) Well, remember I need reviews, so please & thank you, and once again, I'm _Sorry!_**

**-Taylor3**


	9. God, Your Stupid

**Well, I felt like writing, so here's another chap!(: enjoy, and so far my fun little [R&D or R&S] poll is 4-0, R&D(: & you guys know I want a R&D, so keep on voting in your reviews, and thanks SO much for your reviews:) **

**God, Your Stupid.**

Another day. Wonderful. Even though I didn't really want to go through with the day, I would go thorough it as long as I didn't let Dimitri get to me again. _Dimitri..._

No, I couldn't let myself think of him, not even his name. It was just to risky.

So I tried to get dressed normally, and even throw on my normal make-up. I was pretty much a success, except I still looked lifeless, and hurt, and like i really didn't want to function, and truly, I didn'tI

Once again, I moved through classes like a lifeless robot. Class after class. Stan didn't even give me a hard time, infact, he held me after class, and told me if I needed anything to ask him. I forced a smiled, and said I was fine, and left. Not only was I completely surprised of his hospitality, I was kind of scared. This really must be...bad for Stan to be worried about me.

"Shit. It's raining." I said when I went into the gym and saw the bottom falling out of the sky.

"It's great, isn't it?" Some one said. I turned around to face a smirking, smug Seth.

"Yeah, maybe for you. Now I have to deal with you."

"Hey, maybe that's not a bad thing. I could use some...dealing with." He said with a smile.

"Keep wishing." I said as I drug out a mat. Seth was taking off his shirt, and I was starting to tell him to put it back on when he caught me looking at him.

"Like what you see?" I rolled my eyes. I couldn't even concentrate on his body. I didn't want to, it just wasn't interesting to me. I just wanted to leave.

"Unless you want to be broken in half, I suggest you put that shirt right back on with those gym shorts." I snapped, and started stretching.

"Yes ma'm...Do I need to do all of that?" He said, eying my stretching techniques...Which were also Dimit..._his.._ stretching moves.

"No. Do these." I said quickly, and just started doing whatever came to my head. I wasn't going to let go of anything.

After we stretched, Seth decided we should fight. I took him on, but only because I wanted to see what I had to work with.

"Ouch, Hathaway, go easy on me..." He said after many blows. I smiled, but not really. It was full of sarcasm.

"No, you have to try."

"But I've never seen moves like yours..." he replied. Crap. I would have to make up new moves...I could never let Seth know mine and Dim...you get the point.

"Well I'll do different ones. Keep up, will ya?"

I tried to trace my moves back to basics, or even just ones that I could come up with, but they still had _his_ influence in them. But at least Seth would pick up on these weird ones rather than the ones I wanted to keep to myself. And even with my made-up moves, I could easily get Seth pinned, and if I would have had a stake, killed. But only because my moves still were partly _his. _Without that influence, my moves would get me killed if Seth was a Strigoi. I didn't care.

"Wow, you're good." Seth said as I pulled him off the ground. I shrugged. He helped put everything up, and after I waved goodbye, he started to follow me out.

"Rose? Can I talk to you?" I stopped and turned, and raised my eyebrows.

"Well, you're different... you don't seem quiet as...well you're better than other girls." Seth started, but I cut him off.

"Are you really trying this? Are you seriously _that stupid_! I'm trying my best to make you see that I don't even like you, so why would I go there? I'm not ready for this! I will never be! Not again, not after all I've been through. You can't see how... upset I've been since you met me? Dear God, I thought you were a smart kid. Ha." And I turned and walked off. Yeah, I was just horrible. Seth Didn't do anything. But when I turned to see if he was reacting, I didn't regret saying anything to him.

"We'll see, Rose. I always get what I want...We'll see." He smiled, and walked off.

What the hell was I supposed to think now? I just wanted to run to Dimitri... But I never could, because we would get caught. When I was hurt, he would take care of me, but thats the only time he could publicly show affection...when I hurt myself.

Should I try and hurt myself? Break a leg...arm..No. Because then Lissa will heal me, but freak out, and go crazy..then so will I, and Dimitri will never come back just because I hurt myself. He probably wants me to... Dear God.. Why would I even think of that? I would never be able to run to him...

And there I was, again. I was thinking of him. No, I was considering seriously hurting myself because of him. I was going absolutely insane. And what could I do? Go to therapy and tell them that an older man was consuming my thoughts and making me do crazy things, but he wasn't actually doing it, it was just me missing and needing him back? Oh yeah, they would let me graduate and guard Lissa then. I would get sent strait to some rehab place where sharp objects were not allowed. And all I needed was another place to break out of. At least I know I'm crazy. It may help..

After falling asleep and waking up many times, I decided to just stay up. I hadn't eaten in a couple days, and I was really hungry. But I didn't feel like I deserved food anymore...So I went off to Lissa's room instead of eating.

I was looking down while I walked to her room, and when a voice I really didn't want to ear called my name, I almost fell. I guess thats what I get for acting like this...

"What do you want?" I asked Seth. He loked sorry. Good.

"I just wanted to apoligize. i shouldn't have even tried with you yesterday, and I can see you don't want anything right now. Can we just forget about it?" he asked. I couldn't decide if he was being serious or not so I just nodded.

"And, one more thing. I don't want you to always hate me. Do you think we could, ya know, be friends?" He said with a smile. I laughed, out loud. And it felt weird...

"What grade are we in, Seth? Third? Sure, I'll be your friend. But That doesn't mean we're gonna start giving each other manicures and gossiping about all the latest scandals, either. I just won't hate you." Seth seem pleased, and atleast things wouldn't be really awkward today. Now I just have to pretend to like the kid.

"Ha, Rose, I see you slept alot last night. So See you later...Freind?" I rolled my eyes, and mumbled friend, and left him standing there, while I made my way to Lissa's.

I could feel that she was getting ready for something, but not school. I sighed, and let myself slip into her head, something I haven't done in forever.

_"Ok, so you're all packed up?"_

_"Yeah. We need to leave before Rose catches us though..."_

And I slipped right out of her head and ran right into her room.

"Where do you guys think you're going!" I shouted.

Christian smiled. "Ah, it would ruin the surprise if I tell you...We wouldn't want that, no would we?"

"Well, I don't think Lissa wants a boyfriend who's paralyzed, neither, so which do we not want more?" I snapped. Christan smirked and opened his mouth, but Lissa cut both of us short.

"We're going out for about a week. And no, you can't come. Think of it as our honey moon. " I rolled my eyes, but i tried to dig deep in her mind, finding out what they weer really doing. But Lissa was trying to block me out, and when she seem my displeasure on my face, I heard her snort in her mind.

"This isn't funny, Liss."

_Rose, please, I think this may be good for you...Just wait until we get back...I'll tell you everything then. But I have to try this.. I can't stand seeing you so sad._

At first, I thought Lissa was telling me that I was upsetting her by being so down. But she had to try what? I sighed.

"Lissa, I'll stop moping if thats whats bothering you, I promise. But Don't leave me here..." I tried making her feel guilty. but it didn't work.

"Nope. I'm serious Rose. Let me do this, ok? This could really help you..." I closed my eyes, and in her mind I heard.._or hurt you..._But I don't think I was suposed to hear that. So, against all odds, I let Lissa Leave. She said she wouldn't be more than a week, and she had talked to Alberta, and Alberta was joining them. So, whatever it was, it must have been important. And that was the _only _reason I didn't pitch a fit. _The only. _

Although I was really pissed now, and alone, I was kind of curious. I wondered why she had to leave, and why she wouldn't tell me. I could easily get it out of her mind, but I don't want her to know that I don't trust her.. That would really make me alone. So What else was I supposed to do?

I decided to skip school and sleep.

**ok you guys, I know this is kinda confusing, and angering, but you'll see why Lissa had to leave...it's pretty important to the story...she'll be back in a week:) lol, so just wait,:) So, did you like it? I need a few reviews to update again. :D i love you guys& thanks so much for reading, it means alot to me:)  
-taylor(:**


	10. Remember When

**thanks for your reviews, I always appreciate them:) so the poll is now 5-0, R&D(: It's still, up, so vote in your reveiws, and even if you dont want to vote, still review:) Thanks alot(:**

**Remember when...**

With Lissa and Christian gone, I felt even more out of it. I had to drag myself to practice, and when I got there Seth was already dressed and stretching.

"Your late," he told me. I glared at him, and then started my stretching. I wasn't looking foward to all this friendship mess. I still didn't really like talking to him.

"Ok, so we're fighting today?" Seth asked hopefully. I shook my head.

"No, even though I should make you run, I'm not in the mood for it today. I want to see if you know how to stake a strigoi." As I said this, I pulled out my stake, and his eyes widened at the sight of it.

"You have one of those?" he asked me.

"Well, yeah. Now I'm going to show you how to with one of these dummies, and then you're going to try." Seth smiled, thinking that he was going to get to hold the stake. Not only no, but hell no. He would be lucky if I let him hold a metal poll.

I showed him a few things, but thi time I had to let go of a little of what...my old mentor taught me. I hated to, but I had to show Seth something, and I couldn't come up with anything else.

"Wow, so I can try now?" he asked me. I nodded, and he held out his hand expectantly. I just sat there and smiled.

"Well, let me hold it!" He said after a moment. I smiled even bigger, once again full of sarcasm.

"Seth, i am sure as hell not letting you hold a stake when you've never even practice staking a strigoi. You can go through the movements for a few weeks or so, then i might give you a sharp stick. Got it?"

Seth was clearly pissed, but instead of throwing a fit like I did, he growled and trying one of the manuvers I showed him, and fell. And of course, I laughed.

"You know, you could try and be nice." He puffed after he had cracked me up a few times.

"Yeah, I could, but it's not as fun. I guess we're through, you've fallen enough for one day." I smiled and started to walk away, but Seth followed again. I started to clench my fists, but he ran up and asked me if I knew what dorm a girl named Abigail lived in, that he had a date. He said she was like, a freshman or whatever, and he was supposed to go get her after practice. i wondered if he was trying to make me jealous, but it wasn't working if he was. I said I'd ask the matron, and get the number back to you. He smiled and walked behind me silently.

"Yes, she's on the second floor, room 221." I smiled and told the matron thanks, and then walked back to where I left Seth.

"Second floor, 221. Now go on." I shooed him away, and remembering that I was on the third floor, I followed.

"You want some of the action, too, Hathaway?" He asked. I snorted and walked right past him. I felt sorry for the girl- more than likely Seth would use her, and then she would be all upset, and then I would want to smack Seth. No girl deserves that. No...girl...

That's what Dimitri did to me. I can't let Seth do that...the poor innocent girl..oh god. I made myself stop thinking so I wouldn't cry, and when Seth left the stairs before I followed him. I stayed hidden until they left the room, and then once again, I followed. And sure enough, he was smiling seductively, and doing certain little things that would make her do whatever he wanted. And I wasn't really paying attention where we were going, either. But right when I got extremely pissed off, I noticed that the halls were abandoned, and they had slipped in one of the rooms. What a stupid girl, and an ass of a guy.

I gave them about six or seven minutes, and I decided things had probably gotten started enough. I took a deep breath and prepared my self for some bitching from myself and Seth, and then opened the door. And if i wasn't mad before, I sure was then.

"What are you doing to the poor girl!" I screamed, and that's when Seth jumped off of a shirtless Abigail, and the girl almost fel to the floor.

"What the hell are you doing here!" Seth screamed back, while buttoning up his pants. This all seemed to familiar...way to familiar

It was the time when I snuck out to meet Jesse. Dimitri walked in on us, and that was the first time when he really noticed me. I had been shirtless...and Jesse had been the one yelled at. And all the time though, Dimitri had to force himself not to look at me... He knew there was something there. And..oh God. I closed my eyes and remembered everything... from this scene...to the time with Victors lust charm...to the cabin..and to him leaving. I didn't want to remember, but I did. I re-opened my eyes to find tears falling out of them.

"Rose, are you ok?" Seth said, running up to me. I shook him off, and tore off, crying. Seth followed at first, but remembered he had a half naked girl to deal with, and went pack. Me? Well I was just upset and broken.

Ok, so I know that that seen was just Mine, Jesse, and Dimitri's recreated. But I shouln't have reacted like that. Now I'm sure that they both think I'm insane, which I do too, and I have to explain to Seth now. I mean, sure, it triggered some memories that I didn't really want to relive...but still...that was ridiculous. Dimitri isn't worth all of this insanity..Well of course he is. I need to stop lying to myself...

I needed to stop thinking about it. It wasn't going to help. I flopped down on my bed, finally in my room, and not ten seconds later, Adrian knocked on my door.

"Can I come in?" he asked. But before I could answer, he walked in. "If you were indecent, you would have screamed something." I just rolled my eyes, and subtly wiped my tears. But Adrian caught it.

"Don't try to pretend that you weren't crying. Do I need to get Lissa back? Or Beat up that new kid? Either way, I need an explanation. You almost ran me over in the hallway, I was on the way here, and there you go storming by..and-"

"Adrian? Shut up. I get you. You want to know what happened. I just kinda walked in on Seth and this girl...and it just reminded me of the time when Dimitri did the same with me, and that brought up other memories.. and.. Happy now?" I said in a rush. Adrian walked over to me, and patted my arm

"It's ok...don't worry." Dimitri told me...Dimitri? He wasn't here..it was just Adrian. But the voice had a Russian accent...I would know it anywhere.

"Adrian, thats not funny." I said, sitting up, and backing away from him.

"What are you talking about, Rose? Are you ok?" He asked me, confused, and in his own voice.

"Just then...when you said it was ok...You sounded like Dimitri...I was sure that he was here..but then it was only you..so cut it out."

"Rose...I don't even know how to fake his voice. I wouldn't do that to you, even if I could. Please, don't stress about it. You've had a hard night. Just relax..." I heard his words, but I didn't really listen..

"Relax...I'm going crazy...I'm hearing things..seeing things...and I'm all alone." I told Adrian.

"You're not alone...you have me." Again, he sounded just like Dimitri.

"STOP IT!" I screamed. Adrian actually backed up towards the door. And for some reason it pissed me off.

"Fine, leave. Just like Dimitri. Go ahead, I know you think I'm loosing it. So just go."

Adrian looked so sad at this point. "Rose, I'm orry.. I'm not leaving you for good. I'm just letting you sort things out...call me when you need me...in five minutes or years...I'll come...ok?"

I sighed. I was being mean to one of the few people who were actually good to me, and it was because I was being a selfish, whiny, crazy bitch.

"I'm sorry. I'll call you...soon."

Adrian smiled and closed the door. I was literally loosing it, and driving my friends away in the process.

**Sooo? :) I think it was ok, but it really starts things up, But I'm just ready for the next chapter:) I want a few more reveiws before I update, and thank you SOO much for them:) i love you guys!****  
****-****taylor****:)**


	11. It's not what you Think!

**Thanks for your reviews, and I have to say I have been waiting for this chapter. :) Soooo enjoy it, & please review & don't forget the poll:)**

**It's not what you think...**

I was beginning to wonder how many sleepless nights a person could have. And I was also wondering how many times I could skip school without being in big trouble, because I laid out again. I didn't want to face Seth until I had to. I didn't even want to then. So once again, I spent my day sleeping, and I had eaten only enough food to survive in the past week. I could tell, too. Any little bit of fat that I may have had was gone... It looked good, but really, I didn't care.

I woke up about an hour before practice, and decided to get some real food. I was going to end up in the hospital if i kept this up. I walked down o the cafeteria, picked up some of the pizza that was served for lunch today, and headed over to Adrian's to talk, but he wasn't there. He did leave a note though.

_Little Dhampir, sorry I wasn't here, but I had to go to dinner with a royal that my 'favorite' aunt sent down. I knew you would stop by, and you're free to go in if you like, but sadly, I will not be in there. Love, the one and only Adrian._

Great. Lunch by myself, again. Oh well, I hurried up and ate on my way back to my room, so when I got there I changed and headed down to the gym. There wasn't a class in there, and I still had thirty minutes, so I decided to stretch so I would be ahead when Seth got here. And..I sorta wanted to do the stretches that Dimitri taught me, so there was that.

The whole time i was stretching, and even after, while I waited, I felt strange. Something wasn't right...Somebody was here. Classes had just ended, I guess some kid could be lurking around. But My gut thought differently.

"Seth, get out here. Stop it, ok?" I said, even though I didn't expect him to answer.

Strangely enough, Seth walked onto the floor, already dressed. That feeling didn't go away though.

"How'd you see me?" He asked. I shrugged, and pulled out the matt.

"We're fighting today?"

"Yeah, might as well." I told him, and he started stretching. When he finished, he got up against me, in his starting stance, and then said,

"Can you let me beat you today? I want to try something...You'll see." I gave him a confused look.

"Why?"

"Because. Just please, it's important." I shrugged again, now curious of what was going on.

"Ready?" He asked. I nodded, and got in my stance, not really sure of what was about to happen.

We fought for a few minutes, me putting up enough fight to make him work to beat me, but I finally let him pin me.

When he had straddled me, and pinned my arms back, he didn't make any dirty comment like thought he would. he looked me dead in the eye, and asked

"What was that last night?"

With out thinking to get up, I looked away.

"No, answer me. I haven't known you for long, but I know that was out of character.

"Well, Seth, I'm going through alot right now." was all I said. He leaned in closer, and my stomach was feeling weird, but once again I didn't think of getting up.

"So it wasn't because of seeing me with her upset you?"

"No!" I didn't bother explaining anymore than that. I might have well as said yes, though, because that's what he heard, even though it wasn't true.

"I knew it. You like me.." he smiled.

"Seth, no, listen," but I couldn't finish, because his lips had shut mine up.

At first I struggled. Then when that did no good, I just sat there, waiting for him to finish. Was I feeling anything? Well, he was a good kisser, but I have had better. But Really, it wasn't him who was kissing me. In my mind, it was Dimitri.

And thats what caused me to be stupid and do what I did next. I kissed him back. I wasn't kissing Seth, I was kissing Dimitri. Every part of me wanted that to be Dimitri...so it convinced my brain it was. No, he wasn't as big, or had as long of hair, of he didn't have that passion that Dimitri had, but for now, my mind was satisfied. So, i sat there unknowingly kissing Seth, while somebody else was seeing a whole other story.

Someones throat cleared. I immediately freaked out, thinking that me and Dimitri had been busted. But when I opened my eyes, Seth was glowering at some one behind us. And thats when I half shrieked and threw Seth off of me.

"What the hell was that!" I shouted. "Why would you do that! Dear God, I'm going to kill you."

"You kissed back!" He said, bringing his eyes off the person who interrupted back to me.

"Because my mind convinced me you were someone else!"

"Ha, lie all you want." was all he said. Then I remembered someone was watching and I turned to see who it was.

And immediately started crying.

"It's not what you think! He kissed me...and...my god..please.."

I saw hurt in his face, that was for sure. But I didn't know why. Like I said, I was going crazy, and I guess that explained my next move. I got up, and ran to where Dimitri was standing, and threw myself at him. He caught me, but stood me upright.

"What...What are you doing here?" I said, my knees to weak to hold up any longer, as I fell to the floor. Dimitri helped me up, and led me out of the gym, mumbling to quiet for me to hear barely anything.

"Roza.." Was all I picked up, but i know I heard him wrong.

"Please! Tell me...why are you here.." His silence made me cry harder, and I can't believe I was acting like this. Dimitri led me to my dorm, laid me on my bed, and walked across the room before he said anything.

"What have you done to yourself?" He asked me.

"I...I don't know. You s-s-still haven't answered me." I sputtered out.

"Because I don't really know for myself."

"Why? Why do this to me? Why come, and then be here, while I'm dying inside?" I demanded.

"You're not dying inside. No from the looks of what you were doing with that boy." When he said boy, his voice was heavily lace with his Russian accent, and disgust.

"Dimitri, he kissed me! I don't even like him! But my mind...it wanted him to be...to be you. So I convinced myself that it was you I was kissing! But I'm so sorry...I shouldn't have.." Why was I apologizing? I hadn't cheated on him...he left me. But I was just in so much shock that Dimitri...real life Dimitri...was here. or was this real? I had to know. I got of the bed, and ran over to him.

At first he stepped back. "You're not really here. This is me imagining things again...Why would you really come back? you don't want me.." I was talking to myself.

Then I decided to see if he was thin air or not. I tried running my hand through him, but his chest was solid. So maybe he really was here? I didn't believe it.

"Haha...God I'm insane!" I shouted, and then kicked my bed post.

"Rose, calm down. I really am here, you're not crazy." He told me in a voice that was trying not to be soothing.

"Yes I am. I haven't slept, or eaten much, and I've imagined you before, so why can't I be now?"

"I promise, I'm here. Why is this so hard to believe?" He asked, sounding hurt.

"Well, if it really is you, why should I believe it? The things you said when you left... The cold looks... You don't want me, remember? There isn't a reason for you to be here. You left me."

This time, Dimitri didn't get all puffed up. He walked over to my bed, and sat down on it, and put his head in his hands.

"Rose, people do stupid things. You've done them. I've done them. I can't believe that I did some of them,, but I still did them."

"Dimitri, what are you trying to say? Please, don't do this to me." I begged

"Oh...Roza...I'm so _sorry_..." Was he crying? Was her really crying? Why?

"Dimitri, what's wrong?" I asked, not quite getting everything.

"Rose, I shouldn't have left. This has been the worst week of my life. I didn't have anywhere to go, and the whole time I was gone, all I thought about was you. I don't expect you to take me back. I was to awful to you. I have put you through almost as much hell as I've been through. But I want you to know that I would take it al back. I didn't mean a thing of the horrible things I said. I tried to make my self believe those things, but when it comes down to it, your all I've got. Life without you is my living hell Rose. And it took me leaving to figure out that I couldn't live with out you. I couldn't bring myself to wait one more day..and I know I'm being so selfish, but I just don't want to go on without you. I love you, Roza...I'll never love again..and Promise i will never lie, leave, or hurt you in any way again...I'm sorry..."

And then Dimitri cried. He didn't just hiccup. It wasn't a few sniffles. He cried, and I felt bad for him. He clearly felt as bad as I did.

But I just didn't know how to react.

**HA(: I know you guys love me...but hate me for leaving it like that:) Now we have a story! well, what do you guys think? Please review, and remember i love you:)  
-taylor(:**


	12. Alone

**Soo, I know you liked the last chapter:) thanks so much you guys for you're reviews! It gets even more interesting here, so get ready:) remember to review for me guys, I love each and every one of them:) Enough chat, on with the story!**

**Alone**

What was I supposed to say to that? Was I supposed to run up to him, apologizing, and taking him back? Or was I supposed to tell him off, make him feel worse...and myself? Well, either one of those things were pretty stupid, but I couldn't really believe that he was telling the truth, so I went off.

"What. The. Hell. I have cut myself, thrown up, though about hurting myself really seriously, had illusions, lost friends, and went through absolute hell since you left. I haven't eaten...or slept...and I have cried more than should be possible. I have missed you...wanted you so bad...even prayed for you to come back..I have never felt worse about myself. Stan Alto...yes, the bastard who hates me, told me if I ever needed anything to ask him...My best friends have left for some unknown reason.. I have pretty much Driven Adrian away, and now Seth is going to be killed. And you walk in, apologize, and want me to be comforted, and take you back? Dimitri? What damn planet from the deepest pit of hell are you from? I _died_when you left, and I've been dying ever since! And now you come back into my life, and are dangling in front of me while I burn inside. I want to take you back... I want nothing more...But my heart just can't take it. I can't trust you. "

I couldn't believe myself. I had ben dying for him, and now I was turning him away. But the more I thought about it, the more I got pissed at him, so the more I believed in my choice. I just wish he wouldn't have been such a dick.

Dimitri got up, and started towards the door. "I understand...It's too soon. I hope one day you'll change your mind..but for now there is nothing i can do. I love you, Roza."

That pissed me off even more.

"You're just going to _leave_ like that? You're not going to try anymore! Dimitri, you clearly do not want me back!" I screamed at him, making him flinch. He let go of the door handle, and turned towards me, and looked me directly in the eyes.

He still had those dark brown eyes I wanted to look in forever. But they were sad now, and they had never been so vulnerable, or humble. I decided to check the rest of him out while he was deciding what to say. His long brown hair was completely out of his pony tail, and God it looked sexy. He had on a black tee, with jeans, and of course his duster. But wait, it wasn't his duster. It was a normal jacket, which was strange. But still, his body looked great, and his face was still an angels, just pained. He opened his mouth to talk, so I looked back in his eyes.

"Rose, you told me no. I will always love you. I respect your space though, I'm not going to force you into it, or beg, or stay and drive you crazy. i want you to take your time. If I have to wait the rest of my life, I will. But I'm not going to hurt you again."

I hadn't noticed it, but he had taken a few steps closer, but so had I.

"Dimitri...I just. I love you. But I can't take any more hurt." By this time we were a foot apart.

"You don't have to." He whispered. Only inches.

"I-..." and no more space. Enough to talk, but I couldn't, because I was crying again. Dimitri broke the last inch between our lips, and even though I wanted to run and hide before I let myself give in, take him back, and get hurt, I still kissed him back. it felt so good...it almost tied with the time when we had sex, but only because I thought I would never have him again. And I sill thought that, and that's why I continued to take advantage of this situation. I was pushed gently back to the wall, and then the bed. All the time I was thinking...yes, please, but my stomach felt all wrong. What if he just wanted another job, and then left again? My brain didn't register that though until his shirt was off. Thats when I pulled back, took his hands out from my shirt, and threw them off of me.

"This is all you want from me..." I said, breathless. Dimitri actually looked hurt and surpirised that i said that.

"Roza..no..we don't have to.." he said, quickly getting off of me.

"Get out." I said, before I could change my mind. He didn' move. "Get OUT!" And that time, he quickly left, without his shirt, and I immediately broke down.

I was tired of crying, but I knew that this wasn't the end of it. I was extremely pissed at somebody else..

"She better answer her damn phone." I said while tapping my feet. Lissa was asleep, but I knew she heard her phone.

"Rose?" She asked, barely awake.

"How could you?" I asked her, and she sat strait up, completely awake.

"How could I what?" she replied, kind of worried.

"You know exactly what. Dimitri's here. I can't believe you Lissa."

"What! He's at the Academy? We haven't even found him yet!" She almost screamed in the phone. I heard Christian mumble 'What is it babe?' in the background.

"You know you sent him here. I am completely screwed, I don't know what to do. I didn't know that you could be this...this just ugh. You know how much I was dying inside, and I'm sure you knew that this was going to make it worse." I was being so awful to Liss, but I think she deserved it. Sending Dimitri here...the worst part was that she lied about it.

"Rose, please, listen to me. We left to find him, but i would never make him go back, I knew it would kill you. We were going to ask him things, maybe torture him a bit, and see if he was sorry. If he was, we were going to wean you back to him, but nothing all at once. I'm not like that, Rose." She was serious, and almost crying. I was doing some pretty stupid things tonight.

"Whatever. Thanks so much." And I hung up. Not only did Irun to the bathroom to throw up, again, but I hated myself. I was alone, again. And it was my fault...

**So? :D Good, bad? I know I'm driving everyone away, and I really wanted to say ," Oh Dimitri, I love you too, and lets live happily ever after!" And ended the story there, but then it would suck, so here ya go:) Please review, thanks, and i love you:)  
-taylor(:**


	13. This isn't Right

**Thanks for the reviews, I loved them all:) Yes, Dimitri is annoying, I know:) lol, so here's another chapter, it isn't quite as important, but still, :)**

**This isn't right.**

So another day starts, which means last night, I lost all of my friends but Adrian, who won't answer the phone. I hated this feeling, I hated being all alone. The worst part was I was going to have to face Seth and Dimitri today, at some point. I already knew what I was going to do to Seth at practice, but the one class I had him in would be awkward, and annoying. But that was my life lately.

My first couple classes went by without problem, and so did the rest of them before lunch. It was just the one class I had after lunch. Seth was there, and sat right beside me.

"Fuck off, Seth." I said when he smiled.

"So, was that your old mentor that you won't talk about? Is he the one that's made you all depressed?" I shot Seth the worst look I could manage, and his smile quickly disappeared.

"Do not kid with me about him, Seth. I promise I will kill you. You already need to sleep with one eye open."

Seth didn't kid anymore, but kept on talking to me. "So since he's back for good, is he going to be your mentor again?"

Oh hell. I hadn't thought of that. What if he was? What if for the rest of the year, I had to train with the one guy, who started it all? What about Seth? he wasn't going to train with us, I would make sure of that. But really? I couldn't focus on anything else. I wondered if it would be a good or a bad thing, too. Because I would get to spend every day with him - I would start training in the morning, and we would have the afternoon. Eventually we would work things out, and then things could be perfect. But on the other hand, I could just go crazier and crazier, and drive him away again, and then i know I would die, seriously. So as Seth looked at me funny, I thought about it.

"Uh, Rose? What is wrong with you?" He asked, now with an attitude.

"You bastard. You are seriously asking me that? I really hate you, you know. I can't believe you did that yesterday, and now you're asking me whats wrong. Go to hell."

The whole class had heard me, and i was being stared at by everyone, so I just got up and left.

"Rose, get back in here!" the teacher called. I kept on walking. Class was almost over anyways. Not like that mattered. Would I train with Dimitri again? That's what mattered.

I closed my eyes and walked into the gym, and ran into the dressing room before I could see if Dimitri was in there. I got dressed, and once again walked back out into the gym, which was cold, and it felt so empty. I sighed, of relaxation or because I was pissed, I didn't know. So I waited for Seth to get here. i wasn't even going to stretch. This practice would be over with in a second. I did pull out the mat, and when he came in, he gave me a weird look.

"You want a replay of yesterday?" he asked. I smiled, and motioned him to come here.

"I need to change, and stretch..." He said, curious.

"Nah, don't worry about it. Practice is really quick today, I just need to show you something. I'm only dressed because..." because i wanted Dimitri to walk in? Yes, but I wouldn't admit it to myself.

"Ok..." Seth said as he walked towards me. I walked up to him, got really close, waited him to smile, and then socked him right in the nose once, it cracked, and then the eye. I was hoping that it would be all nasty and black by tomorrow. But in the meantime, his nose was gushing blood, and he was holding his whole face.

"You bitch!" he shouted at me.

I just started grabbing all of my stuff.

"Hold on." I stiffened. That wasn't Seth who said that.

I turned around, and there Dimitri was. He had on his workout clothes, and was looking at Seth with a glint of humor in his eyes.

"Although I'm sorry for your...misfortune...Seth, but I have to ask you to leave. Go to Kirova, she will work you're schedule out for you. I'm sure you were a pleasure for Rose to teach."

An opened mouthed seth Stormed out of the room, holding his nose and grunting with pain. I was glad he was gone, but worried about Dimitri.

"What was that about?" i asked him in barely a whisper.

"You guys aren't training anymore. I'm back, remember?" He asked while starting to stretch a little.

Of course I remember. How could I forget? I didn't know what to do, and what I wanted to do was go outside, scream, then sit down and cry. But that wasn't really an option. "So you're just picking up from where you left off?" I asked him, also starting my lessons.

"Is that a problem?" He asked me. I thought for a second.

"No, I was just wondering. What about...Seth?" I spat out his name.

"I think his old school wants him back, and personally we don't want him. So he'll probably make another transfer." Well, I guess that was good. i hadn't really gotten close to him, and I always felt like his babysitter, and at this point I wouldn't miss him, so maybe that won't be a problem.

"Oh." We had finished stretching, and since the mats were out Dimitri walked on them and told me to come on, that we were going to fight. I hesitated. No, I completely stopped in my tracks. I was afraid to get close to him. Not because I thought he was going to kiss ( or rape) me, but because I didn't know what to do. Normally, I would have smiled, and jumped on this chance to face off. But now...i felt like i didn't belong here with him. Thisng had gotten too messed up.

"Are you coming?" He asked. I still didn't move, mostly because it didn't register that I should.

"Rose, don't be afraid. I'm not going to try anything, I just want to see if you kept yourself working. We'll lift weights and run the rest of the week if you want, or I could show you new moves, but don't do this. It pains me to see that you don't want to do this." he wasn't getting on to me. he was begging me, his tone of voice proved it. I felt so bad, because this man was my best friend. My mentor. My lover. Yeah, he left me, and caused me hell, but this was practice- practice for fighting Strigoi, and I was going to have to do that when I guarded Lissa. Sure, I already know how, but any extra help is nice. I shouldn't worry about any personal problems when it comes to training. But to me, this was more than personal.

"Dimitri, I don't feel like I belong here with you. I feel like we should be ignoring eachother. It just doesn't feel like it used to." I didn't mean to tell him so much of the truth, but it just slipped out. Dimitri gave me a sad smile.

"I know it don't and thats my fault. But I still want us to train, and I want to trust me enough to feel comfortable with this, if only this. I doubt it will ever be the same, but you have to learn how to do your job, and I would like to continue teaching you." he was still begging, but he knew that he was winning. I mumbled fine, and walked up to him on the matt. We both got in the same stance. I have to admit that it felt good to be working the way I usually do, using Dimitri's moves. And if I pretended that Dimitri had never left, then practice could work.

We matched each other, blow by blow. No surprise. It felt so good to be doing this with Dimitri again, but so wrong. I wasn't supposed to give up this easy, and he wasn't supposed to be here. It was too different. But for the first time since he left, I let myself enjoy something a little, and he did too I think. By then end of the fight, we were both laughing, and when we stopped fighting, my gut twisted, and my heart hurt. I suddenly stopped laughing, picked up all of my stuff, and then ran out as fast as I can. I heard him sigh and whisper my name before the door shut.

I hadn't realized how much I missed him. I had never realized how important our practices use to be. But now, all I could think about were memories we had made. At practice, out of practice, any where we were together, it all came back. I really didn't know what I had until he left. And its all at my finger tips, its so close. But my heart just won't let me grab it. I want it so bad, but I'm sealed off, and this love is just too hard.

I had no earthly idea on what to do.

**Hmm, this chapter shows you how confused Rose really is about everything. And this isn't the end of Seth just yet, so don't freak out for those of you who like him. I am going to try to get another chapter up today, and I really want R&D together soon, but I have to make it a good story:) I love you guys so much, and thank you for reviewing, :) don't forget to review this chapter!(:  
-taylor(:**


	14. Thinking Never hurt so Much

**Sorry for taking so long, but I was definitely busy, but big news...Last Sacrifice is out! I got it the day it came out, spent eight hours in my room reading it, and then cried for another hour when I was through. It's great, you have to read it:) but I'm not going to give any spoilers for a while, but I'm definitely going to have to write something, like another story, about it :)So here's the next chapter:) What did you guys think of the last one? Review and tell me:)**

**Thinking Never Hurt so Much**

I kept running, and running. Whatever was chasing me finally had caught me though. I screamed, and didn't even bother fighting whatever had me. I was so scared, but I had no clue what was going on. Shadows, fear, and death was every where.

I woke up. I wasn't scared anymore, because I knew what that was all about. It was my life. The darkness was definitely seeping into my mind, the horrible, spirit fused darkness. But it wasn't all sprit this time. I was going crazy...Dimitri. He was back. He was back. _He was back._ What the hell?

I knew that I had went over this a thousand times. But I had to do it, one more time.

Dimitri had came back. For me. He left, and I was absolutely miserable, dead on the inside, and then just comes back. He pours out his heart and struggles, I pour out mine, and then we started getting naked again. I kicked him out, at the time I thought it was a great idea. I mean, maybe it was. I had every right to be pissed. Maybe all he wanted was sex. That's kind of what it looked like… But no. Even if I wanted to bitch slap him sometimes, Dimitri wasn't like that. So I kicked him out, and then the next day he casually walks in and becomes my mentor again. I had let myself have fun…I became vulnerable again, for just a few minutes. I laughed with him… And then, I ran away. I got scared, and got the hell out of there.

Ha. Rose Hathaway ran away…from a guy. My slightly insane self found this hilarious, and started busting out laughing. It was so simple, really. Just running away! Everything should be that easy…I mean, what's the point of life if there's no—

I no longer found my insane rambling funny. I had had one of those delusional episodes that Adrian had. This really was bad. Oh God. Even though I had my own problems, spirit was taking its toll.

Some one knocked on my door. Half expecting Lissa or Adrian, or even Dimitri, I opened it.

And almost slammed it again.

"Hey. I'm transferring back to my old school. I guess your Russian asshole pulled some strings. Thought you should know."

"Oh. Well Bye Seth." He seemed disappointed that I wasn't heart broken.

"Rose…I… I'm sorry. I didn't' know you had anything going on with him—"

"Seth, shut up. You can go. It's fine. And we don't. Just…Bye. Nice knowing you."

I knew I was being terribly mean, but oh well. I shut the door and crawled back in bed.

So what now? I guess I needed to make some really big decisions. I know Dimitri really would stick to his word about waiting for forever. But honestly, I think that would kill me. Dimitri and I had our practice in the morning...well, in a couple hours.

Say I run into Dimitri's arms when I see him, and take him back. The ups to that? Well, I get to have him. That's enough to sway me...but the downs... I would live in constant fear of him leaving. I would always worry if I was good enough. And I would never be able to trust myself to give him all my love. Both of us would hurt.

But say I tell him to hit the road. The ups? I don't have to worry about him leaving me again. But the downs to this wasn't really helping the situation either...The main one...well i wouldn't survive. If I knew I was the one who sent my one love away, then that was the end. There wouldn't be much point in life...Lissa, yeah, but I would just be putting her in danger. Dimitri will go through more crap too. God, I hate this whole thing... I really did just want to forget, but no. I have to do this.

After a while, I got ready for practice, and even though my body needed food, I didn't eat. I couldn't. I didn't bother wearing my hair up, and I just threw on some basketball shorts and a tank top with a jacket. I also slipped on some make-up...mainly because I looked dead. I was about thirty minutes early when I got to the gym, I had even beat Dimitri. Oh well.

Shortly enough, he walked in in his usual outfit - I'm guessing he got a hold of aanother duster. When He seem me sprawled out on the floor, he sighed.

"Rose, are you ok?" he asked, truly concerned. I couldn't help it, but I laughed.

Embarrassed by my little giggle, I looked down and said "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You look..." He stopped to think of a word that didn't sound offensive.

"Sleep deprived? In desperate need of food? Depressed? Confused? I think any of those would work." I said. The words could have been rude, but my tone was light, and very very sad.

Dimitri gave a small sigh. "No, you look... burdened."

Smart ass. I was hoping he would saying something I could really go off on.

"That fits too." As I said that, I looked up into his eyes. I was expecting him to come sit with me and we would talk about everything like we were having a normal heart to heart conversation instead of both of us having to hold ourselves back from either crying or yelling. But instead, he looked down. he was notorious for talking about uncomfortable things, but he was backing out? No, he looked back up. There would be a talk after all.

"I don't think we should practice this morning. I think we should take a walk, and stop by the lunch room and get you some breakfast."

What were we doing? I guess talking and walking. "Yeah, fine." Good thing I put on some make up. It was about breakfast time, and I'm sure everyone in school would see me down there. Maybe Dimitri wanted to avoid being alone so I wouldn't run off? Who knew. I slowly came to stand beside him as we trudged through the gym and out into the quad. The whole time, me and my body was well aware that our arms were pretty much brushing together. The electricity was running through me, but I ignored it. Stupid sexual tension was going to end up making me even crazier.

"Ok, I know your cold. You're in shorts." he told me as he took of his coat. I didn't reject it, because...well because I really was about to freeze. I mumbled thanks, and then looked up at him. I felt something through the bond though, which I had been trying to ignore. It was serious enough to stop me from forgetting it and start talking to Dimitri though.

Anger, worry, and fear. What was wrong with Lissa? I decided to see it with my own eyes, well her own eyes.

She was upset. About me. And with Christian. After that phone call last night, he had got pissed at her. She had begged him to go and find Dimitri, to figure out what the hell his problem was, and even though Christian wasn't really being friendly with me right now, he went along. But when I busted out on Lissa, he did to. She recalled the encounter.

"I told you, didn't I? Rose is being a real bitch lately. You never should have done this. We didn't even find him and she's freaking out." Even though Lissa had been shaken by my being mad at her, she didn't want Christian saying that.

"Rose is going through alot. So she hid something from us? I was upset, but I got over it. It was hard for her. But she's basically my sister, and I'm not mad. But she's one of your close friends and you go berserk over it? You're acting like a teenage girl." Lissa hadn't really had many insults on hand since she wasn't a mean person. But it was enough to get Christian puffed up like a wet cat.

"I'm acting like a teenage girl? You're the one over here crying! Rose will figure out she's wrong, and you'll be holding hands and walking towards the sunset in no time. So don't start with me." I had a feeling that if Christian would have had some blood lately and hadn't been woken up in the middle of the night, he would be nothing but supportive.

So lissa had stormed off to sleep in the other bed of he hotel they were staying in. Alberta must have either been guarding outside the room or was in the adjoining room.

I hated to be the reason for them fighting. But that all led up to now. "Why was Rose acting like this? Is she ok? Sometimes, I really want to smack her...but then I think of the things she goes through, mainly for me. Ugh...I can't believe she's mad at me...What do I do? Oh gosh.."

And on it went. Lissa was seriously upset, And after probong farther I realized that she had been using spirit alot since they left. Maybe for Alberta to agree on the crazy stunt they were pulling. The compulsion was pushing her mental state over again. I sighed, and then cleared her head of it. Taking the darkness into me wasn't all that smart, but I hadn't thought about that. I was just worried for her.

She immediately felt better, and then realized what happened. There had been too much of a mood change to happen naturally so she smiled.

"_Rose, I know you're in there. Thank you...and I'm sorry. I'll be back soon, and we'll talk. But stop taking this from me...think of yourself sometimes." _she sent through the bond. I smiled a little, wanting to tell her that I had though way too much lately.

I hadn't noticed it, But I had stopped walking right before we had walked in the lunch room. Dimitri was staring at me with a hard but concerned face, even though he knew I was Lissa.

"She's fine, don't worry." I assured him. But then I had to ask if I was fine. My mood had dropped. Alot.

After I got a small buiscut, we walked u side to those tables. We sat down on opposite sides.

"Rose. I know I said this before. But I'm sorry. And yesterday, I think that was too much. For you, mainly. I didn't mean for you to get upset..."

I knew this was coming. "Dimitri..I have to talk to you. I- this is hard for me. I thought, and I don't know what to do, but I think I figured something out. When I went over..us... this morning..." I was looking down this whole time. But I didn't need to look to know who said those words that I really wish they wouldn't have said.

"Well, well. Looks like the blood whore to be came out of her cave for something. And looks like you're babysitters back. Try not to run him off again."

I wasn't going to cry. I wanted to,but no. I wanted to scream. But instead, I ignored Dimitri's warning 'Rose...' and stood up to face Jesse with Ralf stuck up is butt. If he thinks that I wasn't going to do anything because Dimitri was here, he was wrong.

"Never. Never. Ever. Go there. " And I punched him dead in the eye. Lets see how pretty his face was now.

"Ow! Shit! Haven't you done enough? They need to lock you up! You're insane. You're...dangerous. No wonder Lissa left you! And Guardian Belikov!" And they both stormed off, Jesse holding his eye.

And for the second time this year, I completely lost it.

**Well?:) I'm ready for the next chapter, aren't you:) How about a review? Thanks you guys, I loveee you :)**


	15. The Edge

**:) I don't really know what to say about this one yet, but I do know that you need to review:) **

**The Edge**

Dimitri seen it coming before I screamed.

"Rose! Come here, we'll go back to your room!" He begged, but it was a lost cause. I had already gone after Jesse retreating figure. I had to...I had to make him pay. He couldn't just get away with that! He made Lissa suffer...he's made me suffer, but it's over now. There was this thing inside me and it was definitely blood thirsty.

"What the h do you want now?" Ralf asked me when I shoved him away from Jesse. Dimitri was trying to pull me off with out hurting anyone or making it look suspicious, but for once he was easy to ignore.

"I told you not to screw with me." I said before tackling them both. It wasn't that hard, they were Moroi, but my head felt like it was going to explode from all the anger and hate.

"Rose! Remember who you are!" Dimitri's atempts to stop me had no affect for now. It was just me and these two jack asses.

A reasonable voice inside my head was saying 'You've already made them pay, remember? You don't want this. Forget them.' I realized the reasonable voice was Lissa, she somehow knew what was going on. Dimitri, I guess. I wasn't listening to her calming thoughts though. I was listening to the ones that screamed 'Rip their throats out!'.

I don't think tackling actually hurt them, but it scared them. More people had gathered around to watch while Dimitri tried his best to reason. Anger was just speaking louder.

I hit Jesse again, getting him in his already hurt eye, and Ralf scrambled away. That's fine. I could deal with him later. Right now, I just had to make Jesse feel what I felt. The pain, the anger. I had to make him regret hurting Lissa. Hurting me. He had to pay, it wasn't fair for him to go unpunished. It didn't matter that I had beat him up once for Lissa. I had to do it again, this time for both of us. And Dimitri. How dare he go there? He didn't know anything. That's why I wanted him hurt the most.

"Stop it Rose! You're not a monster. Roza, please..." That one damned word.

I jumped off of Jesse and stalked up to Dimitri.

"Shut it. _You made me like this_! Don't tell me to stop. He has to hurt for what he's said! For what he's done! Shouldn't he be expelled? But you. You started this. When you left, all this crazy shit started!" I Hadn't realized I was screaming, but when half the people that was walking in and out of breakfast had stopped to see what I was doing this time. But I didn't have the self controll to lower my voice.

I bdid have to breathe a little bit, and I was hopefully close to the end of my fit. But I still had the burnign passion to hurt him, and Dimitri.

"Why? You and Jesse both...Why..?" I screamed, and Dimitri looked defeated.

"Roza, please."

"Why!" I screamed even louder.

"Rose. People are going to get suspicious, and it's a matter of time until some one like Guardian Alto comes out here and you get in trouble. Please,_ please_, come on. I don't want you to hurt yourself or anyone else." He was begging. And it broke my wall of rage, just a little. It made me cry.

"Oh God, what am I? I'm turning into Anna...crazy. Dead." I shuddered, and when I looked down I realized I had been Grabbing my arm, and my fingernails had definitely broke the skin, causing blood to drip down my arm. Trying to hold back the flood of tears that was sure to come, I ran. I figured Dimitri was following, but I didn't care. I had to get away from every ones confused and scared faces.

I almost ran to one of the places I knew no one would find me- the cabin. But then again, I was scared to go back in there right now, seeing as I had been in this same situation last time I was there. I wanted to go to my room, but It wouldn't be long before someone showed up. I guess I hadn't really realized where I was going until I opened the door.

I took the room in, even though I had only been in it once. I guess they had given it back to him on his return. Maybe they never vacated it. Who knows? I had ran here for support like I had done many times before, even though one time things took an unexpected turn, which is the reason why I had actually been in it.

Once I fully realized who's room I was in, I turned to leave. But Dimitri was blocking my way.

"You're not going back out there, not like that. Rose, are you ok?" He asked for the second time today.

I didn't know what to do. I was in Dimitri's room, and I was at the end of my little fit, and I had to talk to him. But instead, I decided to give into my tears, one last time. I hoped. He seen what I was doing before i did it again, or maybe he just knew me that well. Either way, I didn't stop him from catching me and carrying me to the bed. I didn't ever crawl out of his lap. I sat there, gripping his neck, crying. If this was the last time I was crying about this, then I might as well make it good.

"I know you said...that I would never end up like Anna...that you and Lissa would always help me, but what if you can't help me? That was awful out there. I'm so scared..." I was going to take one issue at a time. I was talking through tears, so I wondered if he heard at first. He did, of course, but he was thinking out his answer.

"Roza, I said it before, just like you pointed out. I will _not_let that happen. You're stronger than her. But...I'll admit, I'm scared too. You're so vulnerable when you have you're attacks. Anything could hurt you, or you could hurt anything. I wasn't scared for me when you turned on me. I was scared for you. You would be so sick if you would had said something about us, or if you would have seriously hurt someone. but, you know, you wouldn't have had that episode if you didn''t have other things going on right now."

I knew what he meant. Everything he had just said was completely true. I would have been sick. And Spirit isn't the only reason I blew up.

"Dimitri, Lissa will always use spirit. i can't ask her to quit for me, because who knows what would happen to her. And how can we not let that happen? We can fight it all we want, but we know that I'll always have to be careful when it comes to my anger and stuff. And...well you're right. That wouldn't have happened if I didn't have other problems consuming me." i said all the words in a soft whisper, while wiping my eyes. Another tear fell, and Dimitri moved one of his arems from under me and wiped it off.

"I think we need to talk about this 'other problem'. Don't you?"

Here it comes. "We have to. I don't want to, not yet, but we have to."

"I meant everything I said the other night." He told me simply.

"I know. And that's how I figured out what I'm going to have to do. Dimitri, you left me." I stated. I looked down again.

"Yes. The biggest mistake of my life."

"You told me I was the biggest mistake. You said alot of things that made me wonder about me, about you...about us." I was stating the obvious, but i was getting to the point.

"I lied." he was letting me talk. That was fine, I needed to.

"Ok, so what happens a couple years from now. You get tired of me, and tell me that it's been great but you gotta run. Won't all of this be a lie then?" I motioned to us, saying that anything between us wouldn't have been real. To him at least.

"Rose, I know that you've probably lost alot of your trust for me. But believe me when I say this: I love you. It doesn't matter if I said I didn't, not to me, because I lied so you wouldn't come up with an argument to make me stay. If you would have known that I was leaving because I wanted you to live a life of your own, and because i was afraid that you would be killed because of me, you would have fought until I stayed. It wouldn't have taken much. But I never, not once, stopped loving you. I never will. Two years from now, I won't be tired of you. two hundred years from now, I won't. And I won't give you any mess about leaving for you're safety. I made my mistake, I won't do it again."

I believed he wouldn't right now, but my heart was still hurting. He lied once, he could do it again. It all came down to if I think he's meaning what he's saying. And truly, I did. I just was so scared to put my heart in some one else's hands, even if they were his, again. It just hurt.

"Dimitri," I sighed. " I love you." And that's all I needed to say. He closed his eyes, opened them, and then kissed me.

And it felt good. I know it seemed like we always went for sex, but it wasn't like that. He laid me back on the bed, and I smiled. But Immediately jumped up.

Through the bond, I felt Lissa's fear, and even her scream. Something was horribley wrong.

"Lissa."

And there went our romantic moment. _They come first._

**:D i would LOVE some reviews:) thanks for reading:) now that we solved one problem, we got another. Infact, I think I might write a sequel to this when I get through with it, dealing with this problem. But I need some reviews!:) should I? let me know, & ily!**


	16. They Come First

**thanks for your reviews! and one of them made me laugh.."pretty pretty please with a sexy ass russian on top"...aha:) you had me at sexy russian, so here's your update, where's my sexy russian?;) lol**

**They come first**

Did I want to get up, and leave Dimitri and the bed? Not really, but this was Lissa we were talking about. They come first. I would have gotten up and into action even if I wasn't a guardian to be, though.

I sprang up, and Dimitri did too. He had on his jeans and tee shirt already, but we had to run to my room so I could put on some clothes that I wouldn't freeze in.

The whole time, I stayed in Lissa's head. She was so scared and confused, and she was talking to me through the bond, hoping I was in her head.

'_Oh gosh Rose. They put me here in the trunk, and Christian... I didn't see him anywheres. I don't know what happened to Alberta, but I'm so scared. I don't know where we are, or I would tell you. But they threw me in the trunk.'_

And on it went. I had figured out what she hadn't yet. Strigoi had taken her. I noticed the red rimmed eyes, but she hadn't been focusing on their face. She was worried about Christian and Alberta, and even herself a little. But she kept telling herself 'Rose will save us all. We'll be out in no time. Christian can help, he's done it before. Rose will take care of everything..' I sure hoped so. Her faith in me was making me nervous.

"Dimitri, we have to go find her!" I told him when he pulled out a phone.

"By ourselves?" he questioned, not putting up his phone.

I thought that they Strigoi had them for a reason. Ransom? Well, not that, but maybe the Strigoi version of ransom. I just had a feeling we should go alone.

"Well...I think we should. If we tell everyone, then pretty much everything will go on lock down. They won't use me but for directions...and that's not something I'm sure about this time. You can get us out of here- say its some official business shit. But we have to go. Now!" Lissa's fear was screaming at me through the bond.

Dimitri thought for one more second. Then he nodded. Maybe he was showing that he trusted me to be right. Maybe he had that same itch that something was off. Maybe he was afraid I would blow up again. Who knew.

I rushed out in my jeans and long sleeved black shirt. I tried to dress causally, so not to draw as much of attention. The shirt was kind of low cut, making me look like I was just some one going to the store with a hot Russian. At least we would stick out.

Dimitri was good. He had us out of the Academy in less that ten minutes. We just had to figure out where the hell they were. I tried looking back in Lissa's memory to see where her hotel had been.

It was in some small town called Rhonder about four hours away. Great. But we had to start somewhere.

Dimitri was wll above the speed limit. He was well above the insane driving limit. I looked at the speedometer. 120... And here he was, dodging the cars and going around curves perfectly. At this rate, we would cut travel time in more that half. I gripped the seat, and the bar thingy that was above the window. I tried to wonder what the hell it was, but I was too worried that we would get pulled over, or something terrible like crash.

"Calm down. Have we ever crashed before?" Dimitri was almost smiling, but our situation was a little to serious for that. But if we were going to drive for atleast a couple hours , there was no point in being stressed so much it hurt to breathe.

"Luck. It's going to suck when we get pulled over, too. I get the radio this time."

I turned it to a modern pop station, and Dimitri wrinkled his nose when the speakers blared a teenage girl whining about boys. I smiled and relaxed.

So things were bad, again. But I couldn't help but feel a little bit of selfish happiness through all the fear for Lissa. I had Dimitri back. I had my life back.

And besides, after all the hell I've gone through with Strigoi, this should be cake for me and Dimitri. Walk in, kick a few asses, and walk out with lissa and Chistian...and Alberta if she was still , please let her be. I hadn't seen her through Lissa's eyes, yet.

Dimitri, who was looking sober and concerned, cast a side long glance at me. I caught him, and in stead of looking away I kept staring.

There were times where we didn't need words to speak. The connection between us was just that strong. This was one of those times.

His eyes were telling me that we would find her. No matter what, we would make it. And I was sure mine were saying that I was afraid for Lissa and Christian...but I was also worried for him.

"You can't do that Rose. They come first. I promise I'll take care." he told me, confirming he knew what I was telling him.

"How can I not be just a bit worried? You were almost taken down at the attack, and I was scared shitless. You can't just go from that unscathed...mentally atleast. "

Dimitri gave me a small sad smile. "I know. I came from it fine, but I know you're upset. But trust me when I tell you that I want you to worry about yourself, and Lissa, and Christian. I'll be fine." I reluctantly agreed.

"Dimitri, don't you think we need a little of a game plan?" I asked him after riding for almost an hour in silence.

"Yes, that would be good. Since you have the bond with Lissa, can you tell if she's with the others?" I thought for a moment. She was with Christian, he was right beside her. No Alberta.

"She's with Christian, but I havn't seen Alberta." Dimitri gave me a look at not using her professional name.

"Ok, maybe the Strigoi were smart not to leave a trained Guardian in the room with those two."

"Good point, Comrade. So, we bust in there, take down whatever strigoi we have to in the process, and on the way of finding Liss and boyfriend, if we find Alberta, we set her free to help us. Other wise, we get the Moroi first, right?" I asked hopefully. I was pretty sure about all of this.

He looked at me aprovingly. "Right. And Iff the Moroi happen to split, I want you to go after Lissa. I'll find Christian. Protect her, and then once we've got them cleared and have found Alberta..." he was using this as a test for me, I realized. Might as well, I mean it's not like we planned it and even though it sucked, it was good practice for me.

"We leave. Get somewhere safe. Don't worry about the rest, because we'll being doing good enough to get them out." I knew that I would want to stay and kill the rest of those bastards if there was alot, but I was taught to go on.

"Exactly." Dimitri looked proud of me in the midst of all this, and his approving stare was warming me up inside.

So we rode for an hour and a half more, when we finally pulled in to the hotel. I ran past the front door, where the person running the hotel gave me a weird glance. Dimitri apologized for me when he casually strode by.

"I'm searching her room. You can search Alberta's, if you want. I doubt they left anything in there though." Dimitri nodded.

I went up to her room. I know it was weird but I could kind of sense she had been there. i just prayed the door wasn't locked. We would have to make quite a scene if it wasn't.

Ok, so these Strigoi definitely wanted a fight. They left the key just visible on the door. Maybe it was Lissa who did it. I didn't think so.

Me and Dimitri walked into her room, quietly shutting the door behind us. I could see evidence of some one busting up in here in the middle of the night. Since Liss had been running on a human schedule, she had been asleep. The covers had been thrown across the room. Lissa's shoes were still here. Maybe Christian had thought ahead and been quick to put his on. Or maybe he burned them. There was a black spot on the carpet, and on the wall, along with a pretty nice size hole, showing the inside of the stuff in the wall.

But what caught my eye was the note. One corner had blod smeared on it. Lissa's. It's words gave e chills.

_'If you want to try and save the rest of the blood left in the Dragimor Princess, you better start fighting your way through us. The Ozera boy had it coming, and as for the Guardian...well I'm sure she'll make a good snack. Good luck.'_

Attached to the bottom was a picture of this crappy and old looking warehouse.

"Dimitri..." I whispered, turning to find him. The spirit anger was starting to raise it's head again. They best not fuck with Lissa. He had been standing right behind me, so when I turned around and bumped into him, I almost had a heart attack. For a second, our proximity made me speechless. Then I remembered this was serious, and ignored my body.

"I seen. They want something. That warehouse, we passed it on the way here. Its not but five miles trough the town."

I didn't really want to consider this a town, it was pretty old, but I nodded. At least the place was decently civilized.

"They wanted us to find them...they know..or want something from us. Well, we might as well head off."

And with that, me and Dimitri sped out of the hotel towards Lissa, and God only knows what else.

**:) well, I'm hoping to get them to Lissa and kind of close things for this book in the next three or four chapters...but don't be sad, There's going to be a sequel!:) I've already decided what to really do with it, but suggestions would be nice. Oh, and a few reviews...maybe six? i love you guys so much, and thanks for your support, i'll update soon!:)**


	17. Fight 'till the death?

**I definitely owe all of you an apology for not updating since January 6.. & I am terribly sorry. Things have gotten away from me, and to be honest I totally forgot about this. But thanks to everyone who has followed me through this story and will continue on till the end. You are very much appreciated 3 Anywhooo.. I think I have a story to get on with!**

**Fight 'till... the death?**

"I wish we had the element of surprise with us. This is going to be ten times harder since they know we're coming. And plus, we don't even know what the hell they want from any of us. Other than the fact that they enjoy finishing off royal bloodlines. But they wouldn't have drug us down here if there was a chance that we could save Lissa." I was trying to sort through everything while Dimitri drove. This place was only like five miles away, we would make it there in to minutes with Dimitri's driving.

"Who knows? The note said that the Ozera boy had it coming. Maybe it's something to do with him?"

"Dimitri. They just separated them." I gasped as I entered Lissa's head and I felt them hauling her out of the room. She was tied up to a chair. It seemed so cliché to have your hostage tied up to a chair, but that's what the Strigoi specialized in.

Dimitri sighed. "You know how I told you to go after Lissa if the were separated? Well forget that. Go after Christian." I gave him a look that clearly stated that I thought he was crazy.

"Rose, you and Christian work well with things like this. You always have. I'm capable of getting Lissa out, and if we need you help she can get the message to you fast. But if you and her get in a bind, there might not be a way for me to get to you. Once you save Christian, you guys can fight and use fire and then find me And Lissa and then we can all get out together. If you can't find us, or get to us, then leave. If we have a chance, we will try to get Alberta. But With all the commotion, I have a feeling she will be ale to get herself out."

I nodded. He was right, like always. If something were to happen to me and Lissa, Dimitri might not be anywhere near to help. But if him and Lissa were to get in trouble.. I could use the bond to get all the details and be there quickly. Me and Christian did work well together, even though we weren't exactly friends right now. But every single time we were put in this type of situation, we had some great plan to fight and get us out. So if I found him, we get quickly leave and get to Dimitri and Lissa, and then we would have a better chance to get out.

So I went back to Lissa's head and tried to remember all the turns they had taken so I would know where Christian was at from her location. It turns out, Christian was extremely comes to the entrance. A dumb move on the Strigoi's part. So all I would need to do was-

My strategizing was interrupted when the car stopped far enough away so no Strigoi could hear us and Dimitri kissing me. It wasn't an 'I need you. Now.' kiss; it was more like an 'I love you. Stay safe.. and just incase, goodbye.' type of kiss. And when he pulled away, I smiled and said, "We can do this. There can't be too many here. They can't get along to well."

"Let's not count on it, just to be safe. We don't have much time if we want them out alive. I love you.." He said. I remembered how last time he fought Strigoi, I almost lost him to one. It made me reluctant to let him fight now, but it's not like I could tell him not to. Besides, he is an excellent Guardian, and he can take care of himself. I couldn't do this without him.

"I love you too. Be careful." I told him.

"You too." Those were our final words before heading down the street more, and the finally down the path to the warehouse. We wouldn't separate until we were in, incase one of us couldn't get in. and since it was pretty much daylight out, the Strigoi had to retreat inside. That wasn't really an advantage, because once we busted the door down, there may be five of the standing there, ready to attack. We could always step outside if trouble happened and we couldn't get by right then, but that would be the only good thing.

We were feet away from the main entrance to the warehouse, and my Strigoi-influenced nausea was hitting me extremely strong. There had to be at least three behind that door. Dimitri nodded, and with our stakes poised and us in our best stance, Dimitri kicked the door. It swung open, like it was already unlocked and open. Nothing jumped out. Step by step; we made our way in without being attacked. I continued to feel Lissa's fear, and it got stronger as soon as we ere inside. Apparently the Strigoi around her had reacted to us somehow. Out of the corner of my eye, I seen the hall way leading into the room where I knew Christian was at. It was dusty and grey, with dim whole place had a miserable, musky smell, and it looked like somebody used to store newspapers in here because here and there, there would be a stack of papers. With my heightened sense of vision, I could see that the closest stack to me was dated twenty years ago, and the front page had a picture of some man in front of an obviously new restraunt. I didn't pay attention to any of this for more ha a second, because there were two Strigoi's jumping from behind the opened door.

The first one went to take on Dimitri, analyzing him as the bigger threat. Mistake, because the smaller, second one who had jumped on me was dead within no time. And Dimitri was finishing off his when I turned to help him. "They never consider me to be a threat until they're dead." I complained as I sliced my stake across the larger male Strigoi's back.

"Take advantage of that. You will be able to fight more of them faster because they will underestimate you." Dimitri grunted at the end of the sentence because he had shoved his stake through the heart of the screaming monster. "Now go."

"Lissa is down there!" I whispered, pointing to the exact door he needed to go in as I turned down Christian's hallway. They didn't have this place as heavily guarded as I figured.

Maybe I was wrong. Before I could reach Christian's door, two Strigoi jumped me. But when I was fighting them, I noticed they weren't trying to kill me. They were snatching at me. Probably trying to capture me. Why? I didn't focus on that to long though, because I was trying to kill them. The first one went down easily, but the second was definitely older and stronger. I didn't take much note on her, but she was a good foot taller than me, and she had been a dhampir before she changed. When my stake pierced her heart, she fell face first on the ground. I noticed she had almost eight molnija marks on her back. I felt sorry for her momentarily because she had probably been changed during battle.

Upon opening the door, only one Strigoi was there. He looked surprised that I defeated the others, but that didn't slow him down. "The others are gone. Do it." I said to Christian, and sure enough, the clothes of the Strigoi in front of me caught fire. In that moment of distraction, I was able to stake him.

"Good job on not wasting your entire energy one setting the whole thing on fire. That was enough. Now, how the hell am I supposed you get you out of handcuffs?" I was talking while I cut the rope around his stomach and legs off, and then I realized he had a gag in his mouth. They probably didn't want me finding him. After cutting the gag, he breathed, and told me the Strigoi had both his and Lissa's keys. So after unlocking Christian and pocketing the keys, we set off. But before we left the small room that I knew I was safe in, I paused. "Let me see what's up down there so we can be prepared." Christian Nodded.

I went to Lissa's head, and seen that there were far more Strigoi in there than I dealt with on my end. Dimitri hadn't made it in there yet, but Lissa could hear fighting on the outside. I hoped that Alberta had gotten free and found him, but that was just a long shot. But the second it got quiet outside, I became worried. Nothing happened.

I instantly pulled out of her mind and, almost dragging Christian along, raced down to where I knew Dimitri should be. When I turned the corner, I seen Dimitri leaned up against a wall. There were three Strigoi lying around him, I knew he was hurt.

"What's wrong?" I mouthed, trying not to let the others know that Dimitri had company yet. Dimitri held out his arm, and there was blood. Everywhere.

"Stupid bastard stabbed me with my stake." He whispered. I knew the Strigoi heard it, but it didn't give away that I was there.

I tapped Christian, and he shrugged. After doing some funky sign language, he finally picked up what I was trying to tell him. Dimitri, on the other hand, looked clueless and was trying to stand up and shake it off. But there was no shaking this off.

"Sorry." Christian mouthed, before walking to Dimitri and burning- yes, burning- the wound. At first, Dimitri almost back handed Christian, but it only took a millisecond for him to realize that Christian was stopping the wound from bleeding. The smell as quite awful, and I'm surprised the Strigoi's didn't come rushing out. Dimitri winced and held back moans of pain, but finally Christian had stopped the bleeding. Dimitri wasn't a hundred percent, but he could fight until Lissa could get to him, as long as she got to him soon.

"Can you multitask?" I asked Christian. He nodded. I handed him the keys and said, "Get Lissa out, and kinda keep an eye out for Dimitri. Make sure he has some help. Once you have freed Lissa, get her to go heal Dimitri while you set the Strigoi he was fighting on fire until she is through. I will try to help while she is healing him, but if anything happens and it looks like she may not be safe- or you- get her and run outside as fast as possible. Do not come back and help, because she will too. If me and Dimitri don't come out before long, leave. And fast. Because they might have humans in league with them and you don't want them to catch you. Understand?" and he nodded again.

"I'm sorry." he said before I busted in the door. I nodded, and then we broke down the door and prepared to battle.

Christian can be a good listener. The second I gave him a clear shot a Lissa, He was burning the ropes and un-locking her handcuffs. Dimitri and I gave them the best protection we could, but the Strigoi weren't exactly focused on them. They knew that once we were dealt with, the Moroi could easily be caught again. I tried counting all of them. One, two, three, four... In all I counted six. The probably had one with Alberta somewhere, so I seven Strigoi to go. We can do this.

Before I knew it, the three Strigoi that had been on Dimitri were on fire. I mean, from head to toe they were burning. The female in the group was good; she tried to fight through the pain, but didn't do much. The other two we just flailing around. I continued fighting my own battle, and I don't want to say that I was loosing, but I sure wasn't winning. I had taken some hard blows to the head, and could almost see stars, but I finally was able to push the strongest one away so I could kill one of the others. I had all women fighting me, and I swear the one I killed first had an attitude that reminded me of Mia. She would get really pissed and pouty if I landed a good blow on her. It almost made me laugh, but then the other two I was fighting started to burn. I staked one, but then the other one stopped burning. One of the Strigoi had tackled Christian. Dimitri quickly pulled him off, but not without the one other badly burned Strigoi trying to stop him.

I had to keep telling myself they come first, don't worry about Dimitri, he can beat them. His arm was pretty much healed, I had felt Lissa do it, but it still caused him some pain, I could tell. I motioned for Christian and Lissa to leave, because Christian had been hurt by being tackled. Of course, this is where Christian failed to listen.

"No. Both of you are having a hard time. I need to help! It's hard to win every battle alone, Rose." he shouted above the noise. He was right. I was extremely dizzy, and Dimitri was doing all that well neither, but he was better off than me.

"Go! I have Dimitri. Leave. Now." I grunted. Lissa seen that I meant hat I said, and begged Christian to leave, even though I know she wanted to help too. They finally both ran outside into the sunlight, which meant they were safe. But not before two _other_ Strigoi seen them.

Me and Dimitri were both fighting our last Strigoi. We had almost beaten the odds, but not without getting hurt. But right when Dimitri finished his off, two more came in. And by now, I was definitely loosing my battle. The Strigoi I had been fighting got a hard blow in my stomach, and it knocked me down. I tried to scramble away, or get up, or even shoot a low blow. But it was of no use. As it stood over me, I figured this was it. We had saved the Moroi, and I hoped Dimitri could get out, but we had done what we needed to, and that's what mattered.

"Why did you want us here?" I asked. It's not like I was going to get an answer, but I had to ask. Maybe I could talk to it until Dimitri came to kick her ass.

"Ha ha. We have all heard about you. You've killed many of us, and escaped one to many times. You and the Russian are pretty much famous in our world. We can't have you around any longer because you are only going to kill more of us. And the other to that escaped.. That was unplanned. The boy has a reputation for escaping to. His parents failed with him, and we planned to do what they didn't. As for the girl.. She is the last of her bloodline. Killing her would bring a great amount of respect to our little clan. If we were to awaken you and the man over there, we would have the ultimate weapons. I have to admit, you are both very skilled. Oh, I've talked long enough. I'm hungry."

She bent over, mouth open, and I tried to see Dimitri through the other two-well, one now. He killed the other one.- Strigoi so I could see him one last time. I couldn't fight my way out of this. I was pinned. And when I woke, I would be a Strigoi. I would be trying to kill the ones I once used to fight for. I wouldn't have feelings anymore. It would be a cold world. Even with Dimitri with me, we wouldn't love. As the psycho Strigoi bitch's teeth bit into my skin, I heard a loud no, and Lissa's voice scream my name. I heard Dimitri gasp. And then I didn't hear much of nothing. The Strigoi salvia going through my blood gave me the high of my life. I wouldn't even realize when I died. It was pitiful.

I could actually see the light. It looked so bright, and I had the desperate urge to hold it. In my dazed state, I was actually happy, seeing the light. It made me feel warm. But my earthly body was warm too. And then I wasn't happy any more. I heard growling, a small scream, and then I felt safer than I ever have before. I was still in my dreamy state, but I was becoming more aware of the world around me.

"Roza.. please. Don't die.. please. Hang on. Lissa will help you. Come on.. stay strong.." Dimitri was whispering. I felt something warm and sticky on my neck. And whether it was all the blood loss, or the endorphins in my blood, I passed out.

**So? How was it? Review & tell me! Once again, I am so sorry for not updating sooner. I'll update soon! thankk you guys :)****  
****-taylor3**


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